Boarding School for Dummies
by ImitationCrimson
Summary: The government somehow found the Akatsuki's Address! The letter says They need to go back to school to be educated! Well All they need to do is use their SMART brains to pass right? Well except the fact is they don't have the brains! RatedT for LanguageAU
1. The Dreaded Letter

**My, my my. An Akatsuki story. This'll be interesting. There is SLIGHT Yaoi in this; only the fluffy kind. So if you're a Yaoi hater, this story wont affect your hatred in any way. Oh, and also; NO DEATHS ^^ All Akatsuki are alive, Tobi is still a numbskull, Itachi is definitely not blind (…yet, I think. o_o) Everything's normal in the Akatsuki! …Minus the crazy members. ARGH, Me do not own the Akatsuki or any Naruto characters. I would love to take Itachi off of Kishimoto's hands though ^_^ Enjoy and R&R!**

**The dreaded letter.**

A slam on a dining table could've been heard all around the Akatsuki hallway. Pein sighed in frustration while Konan just sat on a chair, raising an eyebrow at the leader's unintended actions. He took another terrible look at the opened envelope,

"I just received a letter from our government…"

What're you talking about? We have governments- why not ninjas? Do not question the Kamikaze up in the sky!

"_Pein must've forgotten his coffee this morning…" _Konan thought with a sweat.

-

Our lovely Akatsuki art freak laid at his desk, molding explosive clay. His hand regurgitated the clay that has been magnificently transformed into a swallow. He observed the flawless work he has done, and then pounded his face against the desk and sighed dramatically.

"Sasori No Danna has been gone for a week and I'm soooooo bored!" He whined to himself. Tobi suddenly appeared at his doorway, waving non-stop like a maniac,

"Ohayo Deidara-san!" Deidara looked up, disgusted with Tobi's orange, lollipop of a mask and placed his face flat on his desk again,

"Hi, Tobi. Un." He replied through gritted teeth. Tobi danced, entering in very dangerous territory. He stopped and placed a finger on his mask where the side of his mouth is supposed to be,

"What should we play today, Deidara-sempai?" The masked man twirled in a circle, displaying gestures each time he spun around once,

"Red rover?" Tobi twirled again, then made a thinking posture.

"20 questions?" Once again he spun, now on one foot on his tipsy-toes.

"Dancing!" He sang, then ran in place,

"Oh! Tobi knows a good game! How about Tag?" Deidara had enough of this foolishness so he lifted his face off the counter and turned to Tobi, who was definitely in La la Land right now. He smirked, digging his hand into his pocket full of clay,

"Okay Tobi; let's play your game of tag, Un. But with a twist." Tobi stopped fantasizing and turned, giving him full attention.

"Tobi will listen." He spoke in third person.

"Okay, first is that…" The blonde-haired Akatsuki member's voice trailed off as our hyperactive Tobi was raising and waving him arm like an idiot in first grade.

"Ohhh! Ohhh! Can Tobi be it?" He shouted. Deidara closed his eyes, chuckling evilly. Tobi stopped waving and cocked his head to his right like a lost puppy.

"Trust me, un, you don't wanna be _**it**_ for this kind of game…"

"Why is that, sempai?" He replied curiously. Deidara lifted his hand which was in his pocket he placed in and held in a fist, his hand's mouth munching away. His eyes shot open and bellowed,

"If you get tagged; you will die, Un!" He thrust his hand in an upward motion just as the mouth spit out a explosive clay bird, flying at Tobi. His eye widened, (not like anyone noticed anyways since of his mask,) And ran in circled as Deidara starts laughing his ass off at the cat and mouse chase scene.

"T-TOBI WON'T GET TAGGED!" He yelled, running around a couple more laps in Deidara's room, then jetting out into the hallway. Deidara kept laughing, gripping his stomach just as his Danna came in, perplexed.

"What the hell are you laughing at? You look like you inhaled some laughing gas for a long period of time." Sasori questioned, backing up a little from the laughing maniac. Deidara stopped and rubbed his eyes.

"I was bored, Un. And Tobi was in here so…" Sasori cut him off while the other member's voice trailed off.

"Anyways, he didn't wreck any of my Puppets, did he?" Quite frankly, Deidara and Sasori shared a room, since they had no other rooms because Itachi Uchiha wanted a room of him own, rejecting the offer of rooming with Kisame. The truth is that Itachi doesn't want to suddenly wake up in his bed, with Kisame appearing at his side sleeping giving the weasel the thought that he had been molested. Long story short Uchihas do _not_ like being touched. Or letting their air be breathed in by other mortals.

"No, un." Deidara simply said. He looked over at the other end of their dark blue shaded room, one side covered with Sasori's puppets as the other was just his clay birds, spiders, you get the idea.

"He better not." Sasori muttered, "Tobi would've wrecked a perfect piece of art." Deidara snorted in anticipation.

"The true meaning of Art, Un. Is that it stays beautiful for a short period of time and BOOM, Un! It's superior on its beauty when it dies gracefully." He looks at his explosive devices as Sasori notices. He sighed,

"What's the point for something so beautiful when it's only pretty for one second, and then destroying it? The real, true meaning of Art is that it stays pure, and beautiful for eternity, never rotting. That is the true meaning of Art." Sasori finally finished his speech, then facing a bored Deidara yawning, waving him off.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Un." Sasori's eyebrows slightly narrowed as he was getting irritated at his teammate's actions.

"You know, you act like some spoiled third grader sometimes." He spat. The responding Akatsuki member raised an eyebrow.

"And who asked me to fix some puppet arms with my clay, Un? And whining because I was too lazy to help, Un." Sasori quickly looked away, embarrassed. Okay, he only asked Deidara to stick some clay between some of his puppets' arm joints just because that stupid Zetsu had found a strange bottle labeled 'Glue' and somehow glued his Venus fly-trap together. Don't ask.

"You were pouting like some kindergartener who lost his crayons during art class, un." Deidara smirked. Sasori kept his gaze away from Deidara, until another companion came in through the door,

"You guys are arguing AGAIN? And it's not a surprise that it was about art…" A deep, male voice bounced off the walls and into the other twos' eardrums.

"Since when does a fish, especially you Kisame, would care for such a thing?" Sasori suddenly asks. Kisame Hoshigaki just plainly shrugs,

"I don't." He takes his Samehada sword out and smirks with his oddly blue colored skin, "But this possession is _true _beauty; if yah ask me." Suddenly, a loud, booming sound came from the hallways, nearing to the room.

"What the fuck are you shit-heads talking about? True beauty lies within Fucking Jashin! Sacrifices are the shit! Blood is the true meaning of beauty, trust me; I fucking know." None other than Hidan came walking in, dragging along his fouled mouth. Kakuzu came following in after, making a short comment, dipping in on their conversation,

"The true beauty lies within the wealth, without money, its pureness will demolish." Hidan looks over to the green-eyed fellow,

"When the fuck was money pure?" Kakuzu glanced back,

"Since never. I just wanted to say that." Sasori took a look around the now bright room lit by the sun coming in from the windows (Yes, their lair looks like a normal house on the inside.) Hidan was the first to speak again, wanting to break the silence,

"So where's that bullshit of a Uchiha? Everyone seems to be here except for that douche bag." Deidara smirked and pointed a finger at Hidan,

"Right behind you, doofus." Hidan turned around, facing red sharingan eyes, glaring slightly as he lets out a small "Oh shit." Itachi stopped glaring at Hidan and his eyes lingered around the room, finally speaking:

"The true beauty is your power; You can control how strong you can appear, and the more amount of strength you have, the more beauty you possess." Everyone literally gawked at Uchiha, not believing what just passed through their ears. Itachi looked slightly taken back,

"What?" He questioned. Everyone soon whispered to one another, widening their eyes. Sasori was the first to speak,

"Did you actually talk more than four words?" Hidan came next, pinching both of Itachi's cheeks, then laid a palm on Itachi's forehead to check if he was alright, as the other free hand stretched the corners of his mouth, showing his clean teeth.

"Are you even alright?" The Uchiha narrowed his eyes, deadpanning,

"Don't touch me." And bit on one of the stretching fingers Hidan had used to open his mouth. The Jashinist pulled back, howling quietly and muttered a flow of cusswords.

"Damn shit! That hurts like Jashin's ultimate sacrifice, hell!" Kakuzu just slapped him silly,

"I swear, You need one of those anger management classes to get rid of those words you say." Hidan blew up right after the comment,

"Fuck you, Kakuzu! I don't fucking need any shit of a class to get rid of my bullshit of a swearing! In face, I think _you_ fucking need more help than me! You cunt face that drools over fucking money all the damn time!" He bellowed, spit dramatically and slowly gets in contact with Kakuzu's lower mask. He sighed,

"Fine. Don't ask me when your head gets chopped off again."

"GUYS, _GET YOUR __**FATASSES **__IN HERE!"_

Another voice bellowed throughout the Akatsuki lair, this time it was unmistakably…

"Is leader-sama on his monthly guy period again?" Sasori asked randomly. The rest either gave a chuckle, a shrug or no response and walked to the kitchen, which was attached to the dining room. There was Zetsu and Tobi, somehow covered in ash, steam flowing from him and upwards to the ceiling sat at the table.

"So, what's the munch for today's breakfast?" Hidan asked sarcastically. Pein looked at him questionably, then motioned all of them to take a seat. Konan fixed a cup of coffee for Pein, hoping it would lower his anger ever since… he got _that_ letter.

"Listen guys, I'm pretty sure all of you guys are very well educated, and clever." He spoke very seriously. The other Akatsuki members gave each other glances as they were communicating with one another.

"Actually, Un. Nobody favored my art so I dropped out of school in third grade." Deidara gave a sheepish smile.

"I had an obsession with turning people into puppets. So they expelled me from every school in fifth grade." Sasori finished, his cheeks a little pink from the confession.

"…I always stole the money from my lunch ladies. So I caused my school to be broke and it closed down because of bad business back in middle school." Kakuzu confessed as he started counting his money he just won from some weird bet.

"I worshipped Jashin for my whole life; why would I fucking waste my time in a damn school?" Hidan cursed. Everyone looked at him curiously,

"So basically you never had an education?" Pein-sama asked slowly.

"Fuck education! Jashin is a lot better than school, if you bitches would even try it." The pink-eyed villain replied like it was nothing. Everyone had a sweat-drop on their faces. _No wonder he's always the dumbest…_They all thought together.

"Tobi…" Tobi started, but got cut off by the leader, waving him off.

"We all get why you aren't in school Tobi. No need to explain." Some sighed in agreement. Pein then turned to the remaining people and holds a feeling he calls 'Hope.'

"Zetsu, Itachi, Kisame?" He slightly choked on his words.

"I'm a plant. What do you expect? **Obviously Pein didn't have a good enough eye…dumb ass." **Kisame turned from his skin color blue, to a deep shade of red.

"I…kinda…killed everyone in my school? Back in 5th grade. Dropped out ever since." The only hope Pein has left for Itachi--The prodigy! Hopefully he has some excellent Intelligent bottled up in him, everyone eagerly stared at Itachi, begging him to say something. He returned the glanced with a raise of an eyebrow that said _You're frigging creeping me out._ Itachi looked back to Pein, who was resting his chin on laced fingers, waiting for an answer. His sharingan slowly converted back to his normal eye color.

"I killed the freaking Uchiha Clan at 13. Did you really think I ever got into high school?" Everyone anime-dropped. Pein got up and rubbed his head. All hope was lost.

"Since basically ALL of you… including me…and Konan; who also dropped out of school before high school started, are Uneducated." He lifted up a open envelope for everyone to see,

"The government has somehow found our address, and--" Pein was rudely interrupted by Tobi, the maniac.

"Tobi knows! Tobi's a good boy!" He ran somewhere, then came back with a phone book and flipped somewhere around the beginning of the phone book:

_**111 Akatsuki Ave., Akatsuki Lair**_

_**The Akatsuki Lair, Japan.**_

_**Phone number: 1-800-Akatsuki-Lair**_

"…" Everyone glared at Tobi as he plastered a smile on his face, (No one notices, once again; his mask.) Pein slapped his forehead, and growled.

"Tobi, why the **hell** did you put our address in the damn _**Phonebook?!"**_ He hollered. Once Tobi was about to speak, he extended a hand in front of his face, signaling not to go any further.

"Anyways, the government has found our address thanks to _Tobi._" Pein said Tobi's name with gritted teeth. He gave a thumbs up and continued to listen Leader-sama rant.

"And says we will need to be boarding a plane."

"To where?" Deidara asks, already knowing no one was going to ask that. "You mean like, vacation?" He shook his head in reply,

"We will be taking and learning in a Private School, it says." Pein read his paper silently. The group waited patiently as a few minutes flew by Hidan couldn't take the silence,

"Fucking school? Didn't I tell you that Hell I wouldn't go to school; I rather stay worshiping my god-damn Jashin!?"

"Quiet down, Hidan." Kakuzu simply commanded. He obeyed hesitantly, then quietly mutters under his breath to Pein,

"So, where the fuck is this 'private school' shit you're talking about?" He sets down the paper, looking at his group of infamous, stupid Akatsuki members.

"In the Americas--Basically the other side of the world." Others widened their eyes in bewilderment as other stayed silent, and one special person who responded,

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"

"I suggest you guys start packing right now; It says we have a reserved plane for us tomorrow morning, at 6 am." Pein exclaimed, while taking a sip that Konan made.

"WHAT THE DOUBLE FUCK?!?!"

"And Hidan--I suggest you shut up and get going." Sasori and Deidara took each of Hidan's arms, dragging him off to pack.

"FUCK!!!" Came the last yell before every door was shut closed. Konan sighed simultaneously with Pein as he took another sip of coffee.

"This was freshly brewed, Konan. What did you use?" Konan turned a shade of bright pink and exclaimed,

"Well, heheh… There was no more coffee beans, so I looked in the fridge and found this bag that belonged to Zetsu, but I guess he didn't want to use it, so I took it and brewed it with Hot water!" She finishes with a sheepish smile. Pein suddenly thought it was cute, and nice that She made coffee for him.

"So, what was that bag called?" He asked. She replied in the most simplest voice she could muster, as Pein took in another long sip of the coffee.

"Fertilizer."

He gagged on his beverage.

* * *

**A/N: BWAHAHA! Well, my first Akatsuki story. It's coming fairly well ^^ Sorry if I made any of them OOC! That's just me! Hahah, that Rhymed! Okay Akane, stop being lame now… 6 dang pages and I enjoyed writing every word of it! Hope you can rate and review! It's inspirational and makes me keep going O3O. Thanks for reading the first chapter of **_**Boarding School For Dummies! **_


	2. Packing

**Thanks for reviewing and the constructive criticism; It helps me wonderfully :D I was re-reading my story and realized I had an urge to write another chapter; So here it is! Just to answer some questions that might be asked throughout the story:**

**Yes, the Akatsuki can just go to the government and kill everyone in less than half an hour. It's just that I'm not that kind of serious writer. **

**No, Pein will not blow up any of his recruited members and… something about ordering god . Not making them so superior ^^. **

**And the government ordering something from them.. Well that's a secret ^o^. Hope that clears up any questions and thoughts. If not feel free to ask in a review :] **

**DISCLAIMER: Oh the wonders of Kishimoto owning the original Naruto characters… the wonders…making them do whatever he wants.. I mean, Uh, yeah. I don't own them. **

* * *

Deidara started packing his extra cloaks along with his fishnet shirts and his other crap. Sasori took notice of him being quiet so suddenly and decided to ask to break the awkward silence between them.

"You seem like you don't mind this unexpected trip, Deidara." The blonde-haired male looked back, then grinning a little.

"It's been awhile since I went to school; and I don't really remember how it felt like to… y'know, learn." He finished his last words plainly. Sasori nodded, understanding a little. _Prepare yourself for hell then, Deidara. _He thought as his chocolate brown eyes closed and chuckled to himself. Deidara had finished packing in less than half an hour. He closed his suitcases and turned to his redhead partner, who was laughing quietly to himself.

"Danna, Un. What's so funny?" Sasori jolted a little by surprise and shook his head,

"Nothing."

"Alright, Un." Sasori went back to packaging his puppets carefully, trying not to ruin his delicate art.

* * *

Zetsu stood stupidly in his and Tobi's room as the hyper Akatsuki member jumped around, and taking whatever and fitting it in his suitcase.

"What's Zetsu-san going to pack?" He asked suddenly, eyeing his empty luggage.

"…I don't know." Spoke Zetsu's brighter side. The other half was pitch dark, with speckles and an eyeball visible.

"**Tobi…I'm a plant. What do you think we need on a trip?" **He thought quickly, but came up with nothing. Zetsu's both sides sighed. _Why are we even rooming with this idiot…? _"Well, we can bring that Fertilizer that you've been saving all this time." The brighter side of Zetsu suggested. Zetsu walked out of the bedroom and to the kitchen where he'd found Konan patting on Pein's back as he chokes on something he thinks was the drink she made earlier. He walked over to where Konan was sweat dropping like crazy. He looked down at the opened bag next to the refrigerator.

"NOOOO! MY FERTIZILER!" Zetsu cried out, falling onto his knees dramatically, "**The fertilizer has been ruined…that precious.." **He looked over to Konan, who was also facing them, but quickly turned her head so it looked like she was focusing on Pein the whole time.

"Konan."

"…Yes?" She replied, slowly.

"What the hell did you use my fertilizer for?" The brighter side asked. Konan took a few moments before she could answer.

"I used it to brew leader-sama's morning coffee…"

"…" The dark Zetsu continued,

"…**Really." **Konan turned to face Zetsu,

"…Really." She inputted.

* * *

Itachi looked around his dark, crimson room. After all, he is Itachi Uchiha after all. How hard would packing be?

Technically, pretty hard.

_Should I bring my Uchiha fan printed boxers (full supply) or my Akatsuki cloud prints? (full supply) _He asked himself. He started with his Uchiha underwear; _A Bad clan, but it reminds me of Sasuke… _Itachi then took a glance at his Akatsuki boxers. _Filled with empty-headed idiots, yet this organization is full badass. _He lifted both of the packs again. _I'll just take both; that's how smart I am. _He smirked in victory as he placed his choices into his luggage. Packing boxers; check. Now time for…

Itachi cursed mentally to himself as he turned around, facing his closet.

"Damn it. Should I take my Sasuke plush or my Sasuke keychain?"

Here we go again.

* * *

"I don't want to fucking pack." Hidan muttered, swinging his legs back and forth while he sat on his bed away from Kakuzu's. The masked villain packed three full suitcases with money and his other riches. He heaves a heavy sigh and turns to the foul-mouthed sin.

"Oh, is it because you got nothing left to wear but that cloak zipped open??"

"Shut up, you shit-face. I'll go pack, hopefully you'll shut the hell up by then." Hidan jumps off his top bunk and lands on his feet, walking to the bathroom. _Wonder what's up with him? _Kakuzu wondered to himself, and started filling his luggage with cash again. Minutes later Hidan came with four bottles of moisturizing gel and threw them in a bag.

"There, happy? I packed." He said, irritated.

"You still need extra clothing you know. You can't wear those 'Fruit of the Loom' briefs forever." Kakuzu chuckled.

"Fuck you, Kakuzu!"

* * *

Kisame happily packed his clothes, having no problems at all. He went to the bathroom, packing all his hygiene supplies and headed back to his room. All fish needs great hygiene, yah know. He took a glance back at his alarm clock that read 8 PM. His eyes darted to the plush that laid on his pillow.

Uchiha Itachi.

Don't ask how Kisame has gotten into the possession of an Itachi Uchiha plush; he just…does. Kisame whistled, secretly grabbing the toy and thrusting it into his luggage. _No one will ever know…_ he thought to himself as he closed his suitcase and dragged himself to the living room where he could have some nice relaxation.

* * *

Each of the Akatsuki members made their way to the living room after their packing. Sasori and Deidara were the second ones to reach the room after Kisame had switched on the television that was originally on some porn channel.

"What the HELL are you watching Kisame, Un?!" Deidara screeched, cringing slightly. Sasori quickly turned red that he just remembered that he had forgotten to block the channel a few days ago after his nose bleed accident of watching it. Kisame turned off the T.V and spun around, also red.

"It was on that channel! I was just going to switch it to Animal Planet!"

"What? So you can continue stalking that Shark growing up?" Sasori sneered. Kisame was flabbergasted.

"N-no!" He turned his back to the two, quietly talking to himself, "My dear Muriel…she just turned one on her birthday…"

"Why are you talking to yourself, un?" The blonde-haired male asked.

"Because he has no friends." A voice answered out of nowhere. Hidan came walking out, once again followed by Kakuzu counting his cash.

"Shut up, Hidan! Like you have any either." Kisame attacked with his words. Itachi walked out, ignoring the scene and headed over to the dining table where Konan, Pein and Zetsu were.

"Why would you use fertilizer for coffee substance?" Zetsu asked, "**Yeah, seriously. You dumb-ass."** Konan snorted as a comeback,

"Like I knew it was fertilizer."

"It was LABELED 'Fertilizer,' Konan." Pein had stopped his gagging, returning back to his normal pigment.

"Enough. It just seems that we'll need some vocabulary classes when we reach the private school. Make sure to sign up." He turned to the group that was arguing in front of the television in the living room, "Are you guys done packing yet?"

"Hai, leader-sama." They all chimed in a matter-of-factly way. Pein and Konan left the two rooms to do their packing for the trip as the group started arguing again.

"Screw this!" Hidan scowled. He walked over to the fridge and took out a Heineken, "Let's get fucked up; I'm bored as crap."

"You always think alcohol is the answer, Hidan." Itachi simply said.

"Shut up! You think you're so cool!" He replied, spewing liquid out of his mouth.

"…" Itachi kept quiet as inner Itachi popped out. _It's because I AM, you bitch-ass alcoholic. _

"Come on; a sip of beer won't hurt, right?" Hidan tipped the top of his bottle, waving it back and forth hoping to tempt the prodigy. _This might be harder than I thought…_ He mentally said to himself.

* * *

Soon enough, in minutes, the whole Akatsuki was drunk. Hidan smirked in victory as the Uchiha was very well intoxicated. He drank down the other half of his bottle of beer, burped, and fell to the floor.

"Sasori no Dannaaaaaaa…" Deidara slurred, shooting down another glass of vodka.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttt." Sasori replied, totally wasted.

"I…can see.. The light…" Deidara reached out his hand to be what he believed was the light and enclosed his palm.

On Sasori's flawless face.

Deidara's fingers dug around his mouth, then somehow up his nose.

"I….can't breath." Sasori muffled.

"Ohmigah, Kakuzu!" Kisame said in a very preppy voice. "You're like, my new best friend now!" It seemed like Kakuzu was the only one that _wasn't _drunk right now. As Kisame neared closer, Kakuzu took a step back.

"Don't touch me." He deadpanned.

"But Kaku-kun…." The sound of Kisame's drunken voice sent disgusting chills down his spine.

"I swear; if you lay one finger on me I will NOT hesitate to amputate your arms." Tobi ran around, panicking and found Kakuzu and assumed he was the only one sane now.

"Kakuzu-san! Why is everyone acting a little funny? Tobi doesn't understand!"

_Of course…I'd be surprised if you DID understand… _The money-thirsted criminal thought hopelessly.

"It's nothing Tobi…It's only that they're…" Kakuzu's voice trailed off. Instead he twisted his words. Might as well have fun while the whole Akatsuki is wasted, right?

"You see, when people--Especially men-- are very happy and friendly--"

"Just like Tobi?" He interrupted, pointing to himself as a reference.

"Well--Err-- Kinda… but when they act TOO friendly; then something bad is going to happen!" The masked good boy gasped dramatically.

"What is it?"

"When one man is too friendly and happy and touches another's hand…" Kakuzu looked deep into Tobi's eye-hole,

"It will make the guy that was touched pregnant!" He shifted his eyes side to side, then continuing.

"Is that how babies are made?" Tobi asked in a very, stupid manner.

"Yes…" Kakuzu decided to let his threads loose, moving in a snake-like intent to scare Tobi. "But the babies pop out of their backs!"

Tobi let out a bloodcurdling scream throughout the house.

While Drunkards were wasting themselves Kakuzu headed toward his and Hidan's room.

"Might as well put itching powder in his briefs." He mumbled to himself.

* * *

**A/N: Triple whammy! Phew, Uploaded chapters for all the existing stories ^^! (Beauty and the Rock, I Love College, Boarding School for Dummies) **

**Christmas is soon, So I wish you guys an early Merry Christmas! Stay warm! Eat Candy canes! Hot cocoa! **

**Preview: (Kinda) **_The Akatsuki had wasted themselves on alcohol a day before they're supposed to board a plane and start school! Itching powder in Hidan's underwear… And what kind of a dang government demands them to go back to school? And the most disturbing thing; They get locked INSIDE their boarding school! Ooh, the torture! (MUAHAAHA!) _

_Reviews are greatly appreciated and I will hug you._

_They are inspirational._

_o3o _

_~Akane_


	3. Bigass Hangovers

**Disclaimer: Akane-Chan does not own Naruto. Kishimoto does.**

**Akane: Good Tobi.**

**Tobi: =D Tobi is a good boy. **

**Akane: Unlike ****someone**** who had gotten everyone else basically drunk. =_=**

**Hidan: Fuck ya'll. **

**Kakuzu: *Slaps Hidan silly***

**Everyone in the story: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! x33!! **

**Akane: Now stay up til 5 in the freaking morning to open your dang presents!**

**Hidan: *sniff* Wanted to say that with cuss words.**

**Kakuzu: *Slaps him silly again***

* * *

4 am.

Everyone woke.

On the floor.

With big-ass hangovers.

"My god!" Hidan was the first to shout when he woke, rubbing his head. "This fucking headache is driving me to hell!" Deidara and Sasori were woken up by his complaints, also having the effects of overdrinking.

"Shut up Hidan!" Sasori shouted, also rubbing his temples. Soon enough, Kisame, Itachi, Zetsu, found themselves on the ground. (Tobi was a good boy so he went to bed.)

Seconds later, everyone found themselves running for the bathroom, trampling each other.

"Move it Kisame! Your Samehada is hitting against me!" Sasori shouted.

"Ahahah! That's what she said!" Hidan randomly commented. The others gave him a weird look, then returned to their war to get to the bathroom before they regurgitate their late night party.

"Screw this! I'm going to the sink!" Itachi pushed his way out of the crowd and back to the kitchen and let his senses do whatever they did. Kisame got in the bathroom first with his Samehada blocking everyone else out. Puking sounds echoed through the hallways which made everyone else's stomach growl with discomfort. Hidan was starting to get too queasy, attacking his way into the bathroom.

"Move the fuck outta my way!" He shouted. He got to his destination and let out his beer in the tub. The rest got in, battling for the bathroom sink. Deidara got in the bathroom last and took the other side of the bathtub.

"I knew it wasn't a good -BLLURRGHH- idea, Un!" He gasped after his vomiting.

"That was hella fun though." Right after that sentence Hidan upchucked again.

In Deidara's hair.

"The HELL!" He pushed Hidan away, shaking his head as digested alcohol began flying everywhere.

"Stop getting your nasty hair pieces and that foul smell on us!" Sasori shouted, after throwing up in the sink.

"But Danna! Hidan threw up in my beautiful hair!" Hidan didn't listen and kept doing his business as Deidara complained.

"**I didn't know you drank that much…" **The dark Zetsu said to his other half.

"…I didn't know either." The brighter side admitted.

Now if only they were smart enough to follow Itachi for room…

_Idiots…_ The Uchiha thought as he cleaned himself off at the sink, alone and barely stinking.

* * *

Pein and Konan were woken up abruptly around 5:00 am, by --Oh I don't know--

Puking sounds?

"I'm going to head to the bathroom first…" Pein got off of his bed as Konan fell back asleep. He slowly trudged him and his Akatsuki boxers (Hot!!)…smelling foul odor.

"What's going on…?" He opened his door, which was right across from the bathroom and saw digested food _everywhere._

"What the CRAP." He boasted, plugging his nose. His eyes observed his fellow recruited members were shoving each other out of the way to vomit, relieving the discomfort in their stomachs. He walked back into his and Konan's room, shutting the door.

"What happened?" Konan asked half-asleep.

"Those morons are having a dang hangover, and they're basically destroying the bathroom."

"Oh?" Came the lazy reply. Pein shrugged and figured that he'll get Tobi to clean it up or something. He headed to another door that was in the room that looked like a closet.

"Good thing I installed a personal bathroom in here."

And just like that he went to do his morning business.

_I wonder if I should brew another cup of morning coffee for leader-sama again…? _Konan thought to herself.

* * *

5:20 AM

Everyone was finally done puking and poor Tobi had to clean up the mess because…well,

He was the good boy. Kakuzu was ignoring Hidan while he cusses his heart out, shutting his luggage. Kisame was already in the living room waiting. Itachi was _still_ figuring out if he should take his Sasuke keychain or Sasuke Plush. Deidara and Sasori argued about art while walking to the living room, dragging their suitcases/bags. Zetsu was still mourning over the fact that Konan had used his precious fertilizer for coffee substance and Tobi was already packed, but cleaning the violated bathroom.

"So, what's school like?" Hidan stupidly asked. Everybody raised an eyebrow before realizing that Hidan never really went to school.

"Basically, learning." Sasori replied, uninterested in the topic.

"Yeah, un." Deidara agreed.

"Oh, well that _really _fucking helps." Hidan muttered sarcastically. "well, DUH. We learn. But the question is; what do we learn about?" The rest shrugged.

"There's the core classes of Language Arts (**In our world; English**.), Social Studies, Science, and Math." Itachi explained, "And then there is physical Education where you test out your strength."

"Is that really it? Sacrificing to Jashin sounds more interesting than that shit."

"There's more to school, you know. It's just that we need to sign up what interests us." Kakuzu rolled his eyes while talking.

"Yeah, Un! Like Art!" Deidara exclaimed brightly.

"Fuck art." Hidan deadpanned.

"Fuck you, un." Deidara retorted, in impression of Hidan.

"Enough." Pein announced, walking into the living room, "We'll be taking taxis. We don't need anybody to know us as Akatsuki. Just act normal so we won't be suspected."

"What the hell is a Taxi?" Everyone asked simultaneously.

Pein face-palmed.

* * *

The Akatsuki group walked out of their huge boulder of a hideout and looked around. And they were going to take a taxi to an airport? The problem?

Maybe the fact that their hideout was in the middle of _**NOWHERE**_?

"Prepare for a long walk." Pein mumbled. Others groan, and began picking up their feet.

Only minutes later, Deidara came up with an idea.

"Can't I just mold a big bird to get us there?"

"Like I said, we don't need anyone realizing we're Akatsuki." Pein replied.

"But we have our cloaks." Kisame pointed out.

"And our painted nails." Sasori added on.

"And our faces are really fucking recognizable." Hidan ended.

Pein's face went into a blank expression.

"Deidara get us three birds."

"Haiiii, un." He chimed. He took both of his hands into his clay pockets, dropping both of his suitcases and his hands munched away.

"_Freak…"_ Hidan whispered.

"I heard that, un. Would you rather walk all the way into the city from here?" Deidara teased as his mouths spewed out small birds, which then immediately transformed into gigantic ones. The group separated into three different groups, with Itachi, Sasori, Deidara on the middle bird. Zetsu, Tobi and Kakuzu on another while Hidan, Pein and Konan were on the last one. The three birds accelerated into the air, and to no one's surprise,

Tobi freaked out.

"W-why are we up so high?!" He yelped. Other just sighed and ignored him.

"Deidara…you better have a good control of these." Kakuzu mumbled.

"Humph! Of course I do! Are you underestimating my work of Art, Kakuzu?" Just as Deidara tried to brag, the last bird with Pein, Konan and Hidan flew to a different direction, away from the group. Others sweat dropped.

"…Yes." Kakuzu replied, satisfied.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, this was a lot shorter than I intended to write =[ but since it's CHRISTMAS, I wanted to upload for you guys faster!! =] **

**Thank you for the hits and visitors that had read my stories c:! **

**[Not much, but hey, 100+ hits and 100+ visitors for this story makes a 13 year old girl feel very special.] Since it is the time of giving, I'm giving you guys a double whammy!] **

**Til next.. Err I mean, Til the next **_**two**_** chapters, heheheh. ^.^**

_Review, fav(:D?) criticize, Read!_

_Arigatou!_

_~Akane _


	4. BEEEP, BEEEP

**Lookie! Another chapter! Me promised ^^!**

**If I had own Naruto,**

**Everyone could've been damn well alive. And Older Sasuke would've been tortured. By reading Jiraiya's porn novels.**

**Which was quite the opposite that Kishimoto had done.**

**Me no own. **

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!  
**Time had been wasted, again by searching for the runaway bird.

The Akatsuki had finally reached an airport as Kakuzu and Deidara argued over the incident. Pein and Konan were still settling down from the hectic day as Hidan was muttering a flow of curse words that he'd rather be sacrificing to Jashin right now.

"Good thing this guy packed passports.." Pein mumbled as he passed our each dark navy booklet to each of his members. Each opened up, eyeing their taken photo.

"How the hell did they get our picture?" Sasori asked.

"And WHAT?! There's a fucking zit on my nose!" Hidan screeched, ready to rip his passport, "Jashin will never forgive me for this!" Everyone eyed him suspiciously.

"For a zit?" Itachi asked, reading every other mortals' minds.

"Jashin worshippers are the cleanest and most pure human beings, you know." He replied proudly. Everyone gave a sigh and continued walking on, observing their surroundings of the airport.

"Please come with us to get you checked." A random employee lead them to some door frame with the door missing.

"What's that thing?" Tobi asked innocently.

"It is simply a metal detector. And to make sure our headquarters is sake and secure from any dangerous weapons." From that second on, everybody had the same thought. Well, almost everyone.

…

_ Shit! Our Kunais! _

"So if you please…" The man gestured Tobi to walk through the frame. The masked member obliged and skipped through the scan and ended up being clean.

"You got nothing on you; please get your suitcase and move on. Enjoy your trip, sir!"

"Yay! Tobi is a clean boy!" He squealed in third person and skidded along. Deidara was next in line as he hesitantly walked over, afraid that the thing might somehow electrocute him.

"Un." Was all he muttered before walking through the frame. The metal detector went off.

"Sir, Please remove any metal or weaponry on you." Deidara dropped his holster, Kunai spilling out.

"…Why do you have knives, sir?" The man asked. Deidara sweat-dropped.

"They're, um…My secret wood cutting tools, un." He lied. The inspector gave a questioning look to the Akatsuki, who nodded their heads quickly in agreement.

"Alrighty then…please step through the scanner again." Deidara obeyed and walked through the door framed …frame.

"Okay, you're clean." Deidara walked on ahead to gather his packing. This action repeated the same for everyone. Lastly it came to Hidan.

"Please step through the s--" Hidan interrupted him.

"I _fucking _get it! I've heard you say it over _eight. Fucking. Times._" He hissed as he strolled through the door frame. It went off.

"Remove any metal or--"

"Shut the hell up! I know what you're going to say!" Hidan shouted, displaying his stubborn nature. He removed his holster and walked through the scanner.

It went off, _again._

"What the hell is it this time?" Hidan questioned. The rest of the Akatsuki stood behind the inspector, glancing at Hidan.

"Remove your cloak please." The man commanded. Hidan refused.

"Hidan, hurry up do we can get to our plane, will you?" Pein boringly said. He sighed, stripped off his cloak and walked through the metal detector.

_Beeeeeeeeeep, Beeeeeeeeep. _

"Remove your shoes, please at this time." He obeyed once more and did what was told and re-strolled into the door frame.

_BEEEP. BEEEP. _

"MY FUCKING GOD~!" He yelled, his hands balled into fists now. Everyone in the airport cringed at his boisterous voice. After many runs, our dear Jashin worshipper was just in his fishnet shirt and his pants.

"There's nothing on me, you dip-shit! Unless you're gay and you wanted me to fucking strip for you!" The inspector checked the metal detector.

"Maybe it's malfunctioning…go through, just one more time." Hidan threatened the inspector as he walked through, again.

"I swear to Jashin, if you make me go in there one more fucking time I'll make sure you're my next sacrifice!" The sensor went off. The man's eyes darted to the weird necklace symbol of a circle and a triangle in the middle.

"Your necklace sir. Please remove it." Hidan gasped and gripped tightly on his Jashin necklace,

"Oh _hell _no! You can ask me to take off my pants, but absolutely NOT. MY. JASHIN. NECKLACE."

"But sir, it's-"

"But sir, NO! It is **my **property, and _**my**_ necklace that you will never get _**me**_ to take off." Hidan hissed, cutting in.

"It's made out of metal. Take it off before I call security."

"_Oh, I'll make sure you get security_." Hidan deadpanned, walking slowly to the inspector.

* * *

"**You didn't **_**have**_** to do that, you know." **Zetsu commented. Hidan shrugged, putting back on his cloak.

"I agree, un. That was a little overboard…" Deidara agreed, boarding onto the plane. Hidan gave that natural shrug again, dragging his one and only luggage that he'd been packing. The rest of the Akatsuki had boarded onto the plane except for our blue-skinned male, lollipop-masked good boy and Jashin worshipper.

"So…I wasn't really there when it happened…" Kisame started out, hoping to start out a conversation, and hoping to get in some juicy news.

"So?" The pink-eyed Hidan spat.

"So, nothing. What happened? What did you do that was extreme? I didn't know you were that daring…" Tobi decided to butt in on the short-lived conversation.

"Did Hidan do something bad?" He asked stupidly. The two ignored them and continued walking on the stairs, traveling to their destination of the plane.

"Hidan!" Kisame shouted.

"What the hell do you want, you shit-head?!" Hidan replied back, mimicking Kisame's voice.

"What the hell did you do to the inspector!" Hidan sighed in frustration, and simply replied,

"I told him I made out with his mother." And left, entering the plane's doors. Kisame stopped walking in disbelief.

_Who knew inspectors were so sensitive about their moms._

* * *

The Akatsuki took their seat on the plane that was…how should I put this?

Completely empty.

"Seems like we're the only ones heading to…what's it called?" Pein dug around in his envelope again, searching the letter.

_Dear Akatsuki,_

_With many luck; I have found your address and declare you all to come here at…Um, __Natural Learning__, private school here in the Americas. You guys will get a second chance to get educated! To be exact it is located in Augusta, Maine. The plane will know where it will go, since it will be reserved for you and only you guys only at 6 am. From there you will be treated as normal people with normal consequences for your intended actions. Natural Learning should be around the capital, and you should not miss it. It should have a big logo, saying NATURAL LEARNING. Yes, it is graffiti-ed on the front. _

_Farewell Akatsuki. I look forward toward your accomplishments._

_Sincerely, Government. _

**(A/N: highly doubt there's a place called Natural Learning in Maine.)**

Pein had ordered the rest of the group to sit in pairs of their partners. Basically they were sitting right next to the person they work with in the Akatsuki.

"Sasori, un." Deidara said. The red-headed male looked back, giving full attention.

"What's school like?" He asked in a low whisper voice, knowing it was the same stupid question that Hidan had asked.

"You'll see." Sasori gave the simple reply. The blonde-haired man gave a low whine.

"Not fun, un!"

"Itachi-san…I never knew you didn't finish school…" Kisame chuckled, reveiving a glare that shut his trap immediately. Itachi looked away, observing outside from the window he sat next to.

"I wasn't interested either. It would've done no good if I went to educate myself after I killed the clan." He then looked over at Kisame with a small evil smirk, "I don't get why you killed everyone in third grade. You don't even have a reason." Kisame gasped a little.

"Y-yes I do!" He narrowed his eyes.

"Okay then." Itachi sarcastically agreed.

"It's just…that…" Kisame started out, fidgeting a little. He twisted his face,

"Everyone called me Fish sticks." Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Fish sticks."

"Fish sticks." Kisame confirmed. Then he thought about it for a few seconds before speaking up again, "Hey you know fish sticks kind of sounds like--"

"No. You are not imitating from any shows again." And with that, Itachi shifted his position and stared out of his window again.

**(A/N: South park reference to the fish sticks thing. XD!)**

**-**

"Zetsu-san!" Was the only loud thing heard throughout the plane for the past five minutes. Poor Zetsu had to sit by Tobi.

"Zetsu-san!!" Tobi bounced up and down on his seat. He decided to look behind his seat, standing on his, then crouched down to see if he can find anything underneath.

"Look Zetsu-san!" He shouted, while picking up a dried up, rotting tuna fish sandwich.

"What." The brighter said finally replied, irritated as crap.

"is Tobi a good boy?" The plant-man gave a nice bonk to the head.

"**No. Tobi's an **_**annoying **_**boy."**

A terrified shrieked rattled the whole plane.

"Anything you'd like, sir?" A plane helper asked in her most sweetest voice.

"Coffee." Pein grumbled, while reading his letter over and over again. She nodded and turned to Konan with a glare.

"Anything you would like?" She asked through gritted teeth. Konan gave a weird look that looked like O_o''?.

"Water…" She replied slowly. The helper rolled her eyes and trotted off. The blue haired partner of Pein started folding origami.

"What a weird girl." She whispered to herself.

* * *

The Akatsuki was just fine of course, until the plane dropped down tremendously.

"What the fuck is this!?" Hidan objected, not really familiar with planes and such. Soon the place stop accelerating down, returning to its normal pace up in the skies.

"Sorry about that." A male voice came through the speakers.

"Is that you, Jashin?" Hidan asked with hope. Kakuzu slapped him from behind the head.

"You idiot, that's the pilot." Hidan rubbed his bruised head and turned to face Kakuzu.

"Fuck you, Kakuzu." He simply replied.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Hidan heheh… That concludes our plane trip and the stupid explanations, onto Natural Learning! I decided to pick Maine at a random choice because I didn't really wanted them in the middle of the United states. Just somewhere off the edge, yah know what I mean? **

**Who was the Pilot?**

**And what the hell kind of a government demands anything from Akatsuki? **

**The doors locked them in at arrival! **

**Are they the only ones attending Natural Learning? **

**Til next chapter! **

_Read, Review, Criticize,_

_Arigatou!_

_~Akane _


	5. Deep Slumbering

**Wow, haven't updated awhile. Sorry about that D:**

**It's that School is coming to a close on the Quarter and Semester, and I'm struggling to keep all my grades above a C+. My English and Math are in bad shape, and I need to do good on my Math test (goes on for two days, 75 pts each test day) so 150 total points on that. Math is at a B-.**

**My English is already a C+ and there's nothing I can change it right now… So I'm thinking of a way to bring that up. Good thing that there were TWO more snow days, and then there's the weekend!**

**Yay! So I am using my late night Friday writing this. **

**Once again, SOOO sorry for the LONG delay, **_**and Beauty and the Rock on small Hiatus. (1/08/10)**_

**I do not own Naruto or the Akatsuki. Belongs to Kishimoto. **

* * *

The Akatsuki had survived the long airplane ride and just as the plane was about to land, our little organization had to wake up.

"Wake up, Deidara." Sasori mumbled, the first to wake. The puppeteer grabbed the blue-eyed male's shoulder and shook him again.

"Unnnn…" Deidara stirred under contact.

Sasori slapped him.

The responding member jolted in surprise, then stretching his hands away from him. Deidara's right palm was twisted the other way, smacking Sasori in the face. The mouth on his face had mistaken Sasori's face for clay, so it licked him.

"What the hell!" Sasori muffled, ripping the hand away from his face, and rubbing his lips with his other free hand.

"What was that for?" Deidara asked.

"Your freaking hand kissed me!" The blond-haired male smirked.

"Enjoyed it?" Sasori shot him a glare.

"I'd rather not. Probably because you won't wash your hands after you masturbate."

"I don't masturbate with my hands!"

"Not with your hands, but with the _mouths _on your hands." Sasori taunted.

"I do not! How would you know?"

"We share the same room."

"That doesn't mean that you know if I masturbate or not." The red-head sighed,

"Whatever."

"You're a puppet…so it wouldn't matter anyways." Deidara was done stretching and looked out of the window. Sasori looked away.

_Puppets still care about that…I think. _He thought to himself. He stood up, looking around to see if anyone had also woken up. He looked at the pair of seats almost next to him, who were Hidan and Kakuzu.

"Hey," Sasori whispered, abruptly waking Hidan. The Jashin worshipper raised a sleepy eyebrow.

"What the hell do you want?" He growled, abiously not the morning person.

"Time to wake…we're here." Hidan opened his eyes, mumbling something about killing the sun for Jashin and turned to the sleeping Kakuzu.

"Eh, wake up." Hidan plainly called. Nothing happened. "He's not waking." Sasori shot him a look.

"That's because you're not trying." The snow-haired male snorted and turned to his money-thirsted partner and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Kakuzu, you douche." Hidan stood up with his knees on his seat and his face near Kakuzu's ear, "Wake up!" Now Hidan neared his face to Kakuzu's.

"**Wake the hell up!"** _Chirp, chirp._

Three seconds later Kakuzu clobbered our Jashin lover on the side of the head.

He cringed, landing back in his seat butt first.

"Fuck that hurts, you bitch!" Hidan cursed.

No response.

"He's still asleep?" He wondered out loud.

"Let me try," Sasori walked in front of the sleeping figure, kneeling to his sitting height.

Only to be unexpectedly punched in the eye.

Sasori stumbled back, holding his bruised eye.

"Augh! God that smarts…" He mumbled, suddenly then tripping and fell backwards over a seat, landing in the laps of another Akatsuki member.

"Why are you on Tobi's lap, Sasori-san?" The masked male asked in his innocent 11 year old voice. Sasori took a complete two seconds to comprehend his situation,

He made an excuse.

"I got scared."

"Ah…" Tobi nodded, then gripped Sasori in a big bear hug, suffocating the puppeteer.

"W-what the hell…"

"Don't be scared! Tobi's here!" He raised a thumbs up, still embracing the red-headed mortal.

"You have 5 seconds to let the fuck go." Sasori seethed. Tabi paled behind his orange mask, releasing on cue.

"Hai, Sasori."

* * *

Soon, the whole group was up and ready!

Except for Kakuzu.

The Akatsuki surrounded his chair, waiting for him to awake from his lumber.

"He's not gonna be up anytime soon." Hidan mumbled, massaging this head. Sasori examined his black eye on the small reflection given by the window.

"Maybe it's like Sleeping Beauty, except it's the gay version, un." Deidara suggested brightly.

All eyes landed on Hidan.

"_Hell_, to the _no_." He protested.

"C'mon…we need to get going." Deidara urged.

"Just because I'm his partner-"

"So he admits it!" Kisame burst out, cutting Hidan off and pointing his accusing finger. Hidan slaps it away.

"I meant _Akatsuki_ partners, you _shit-head_," He crossed his arms, "Why me, anyways?"

"Fan fiction." Everyone replied in a matter-of-factly.

"Just wake him up already!" Deidara shouted.

"How the hell do I-"

"Kiss him! Like in Sleeping Beauty." Kisame chuckled. Hidan glared at the strange-colored male.

"First, Kakuzu is NOT. A. BEAUTY. And second, I'm not gay, unlike you Kisame. And third, you're even more gayer for agreeing with that Deidara of a bastard."

Kisame sniffled in reply.

"Get on with it." Pein ordered, irritated. Hidan flicked everyone off, then slowly leaned down to Kakuzu's face. (He was standing in front of him.)

"You piece of shit…" he muttered, closing his eyes.

_**BAM!!**_

Everyone gawked in bewilderment as Kakuzu opened his fusion green eyes. He looked ahead of him, seeing Hidan on the ground groan in pain.

"What happened when I was asleep?" Deidara and Kisame tried to muffle up their laughter.

"We were trying to wake you up…" Konan started.

"…Sasori?" He questioned, eyeing his black eye.

"You hit me when I was trying to wake you." The puppeteer exclaimed.

"Then…" Kakuzu looked down at the pained-face Hidan, who was still on the floor, glaring at his masked partner in crime. He seethed,

"_You_…" Hidan deadpanned, holding his injured area, "Kneed me in the **fucking balls**, you bastard!" Deidara and Kisame let out exhales of laughter they've been containing.

Kakuzu sweat dropped.

"S-sorry about that, Hidan." Kisame tried feeling sympathy for him, still laughing.

"Shut up!" The Jashin worshipper roared, turning to Kisame. "You fucking fish sticks!!"

The responding male gasped.

"**Not fish sticks**!!" Itachi rolled his eyes.

_Stupid Wimp… _He thought.

* * *

After about 10 minutes of groaning, the Akatsuki went to the airport, got their luggage and went to the outside wonders of Augusta, Maine.

"We're looking for 'Natural Learning', so keep an eye out." Pein ordered, observing his surroundings. Kisame was trying to keep his cool after the lame diss. Hidan kept cursing at Kakuzu for the close amputation his only belonging. Deidara and Sasori argued about art, including how the blond-haired male's hand Tobi was admiring buildings As Zetsu was talking to his other half and Itachi was mentally regretting that he chose to bring his Sasuke keychain instead of the Sasuke plush.

Oh, don't worry. The Akatsuki is _perfectly _sane.

"Hey, what's that?" Tobi asked Deidara, pointing at the big building. He gave Tobi a look and read the gigantic graffiti.

"Someone must've vandalized this, Un. 'Natural Learning'." Deidara continued walking, "Never heard of it."

"Has anyone seen the building yet?" Pein called out. Everyone shook their heads. Hidan came to Deidara and bopped him on the head.

"The hell!" He responded. The snow-haired male just smacked him again.

"I'm not a punching bag!"

"Idiot! You just read the building we're looking for and you said you don't know where it is!?" Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"If you knew it, then why won't you tell Leader-sama that the building is here?"

"Because, I'm not gay." He simply replied.

"…"

* * *

The Akatsuki finally entered the building after the argument.

"Creepy… It's all nice and clean; yet no one is here."

"Oh, kukuku. It is because it's reserved for you, Akatsuki." A voice broke through the intercom.

"Government?" Everyone echoed together questionably.

"You can Sssssay that…" A figure came out from underneath the ground with pale, white skin and snake-like eyes, like a -oh maybe,- a snake?

"O-Orochimaru!" Tobi gasped dramatically, holding the sides of his head.

"You guys made quite a hassle on the plane." Another figure came out, pushing his glasses up the ridge of his nose.

"Harry Potter!!" Tobi gasped, again.

He received another whammy.

"You idiot! I'm Kabuto!" The gray-haired man seethed, his hands into fists.

"Pokemon?" Tobi questioned.

Kabuto face-palmed.

"Anyways. We don't have any potential to receive anything you have in your possessions." Everyone in the evil organization got into their fighting stance, on full alert.

"Don't even try to use your chakra. There is a chakra barrier around this whole private school. So you guys are just like us right now. Completely useless." The two chuckled.

"Yet, we want to test out your intelligence. So let us show us your rooms and start the first day of Natural Learning, shall we?" Orochimaru decided to take over and started explaining.

"Oh yessss. Our doors are fully locked. So you guys cannot escape. Even if you did, you won't be able to flee with your teleportation jutsu because of the barrier."

"Have fun, Akatsuki." The two walked away, disappearing.

"Well, this is going to be hell." Deidara groaned.

_Already warned you, Deidara… _Sasori chuckled mentally to himself. Suddenly the doors locked on their own, shutting tightly as possible.

"GHOST!!!" Kisame screamed, hiding behind Itachi. The Uchiha just turned around and slapped him on his cheek.

"You really need to stop watching Paranormal Activities, Kisame."

* * *

**A/N: Math finals are over! I left my computer on so I could keep working on it, so the disclaimer on top is a few days earlier.**

**So yeah! Finally I got to this part! Phew… Well nothing much to say. Sorry this took like, 2 weeks? I've been very sluggish lately. My apologies. Also sorry again for putting BATR On Hiatus! **

**Man! Everyone's getting bitch-slapped a lot! Hahah. XD**

**Til next chapter! (1/12/09) **

_Read, Review, Criticize!_

**Arigatou! ~Akane**


	6. Behind these fateful walls

**Ringy ring ring! Chapter 6 is here! I'm picking up on my sluggish days and not being sluggish! ….Kinda.**

**I, Akane don't own Akatsuki or Naruto.**

**Kishimoto-san does.**

**D:**

**Thank you for the **_**instant**_** reviews! I'm getting sooo inspired and supported! Arigatou!! **

**Yes!! I'm finally getting more free time after school because of the homework decreasing!**

**Sadly, nothing as been coming up for Beauty and the Rock. My apologies again!!**

**Until then, enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

After almost everybody got bitch-slapped (LOL) split into their rooms who include:

**Room A: **Kakuzu, Sasori, Tobi, Itachi, Hidan.

**Room B: **Pein, Konan, Kisame, Deidara, and Zetsu.

**(A/N: I chose at random, with the help of my sister haha. Time skip time!!)**

It was now 9 PM at Natural Learning and everyone is just unpacking, then sleeping again to get ready for their first day. Let's take a peek at Room A, shall we?

"Fuck no!" Hidan burst, crossing his arms again like the stubborn bastard he was. Others rolled their eyes and continued unpacking. Hidan snorted and repeated his outburst. "I said, fuck no! Don't you guys understand?"

"Oh, we understand…" Sasori mumbled, attaching an elbow joint of one of his belongings.

"Be happy I even packed for you." Kakuzu simply said, unloading wads of cash into his personal closet that was provided by Orochimaru along with his slave--I mean servant--I MEAN, Assistant, Kabuto.

"It's not that…" Hidan grumbled.

"Then what the hell do you want?" The masked villain replied, irritated.

"I'm not sleeping on the floor!" Itachi got done unpacking and went to the bathroom as Tobi was already asleep because he felt like it was the good thing to do. Yes, Tobi sleeps like a bear. Sasori sighed, walking to Hidan to slap him to shut up, instead, when he got near him he flinched, jumping back.

"You reek! Did you even shower?"

"For the Jashin religion; we must shower every once a week." The snow-haired male replied proudly, having someone recognize his odor that was attracting the completely wrong attention.

"No wonder…I only find a cloak that belongs to you every time we do the laundry." Sasori continued to plug his nose.

"Go take a shower, Hidan!" Kakuzu, who secondly detected the smell.

Hidan looked away and pouted like a 3 year old.

"No!" He then looked back at them while Itachi came out of the bathroom in his robe/PJs, and giving them weird looks of what-the-hell-is-going-on.

"You're stinking up the whole room."

"I ain't showering tonight." He smirked, "Nor I am sleeping on the stupid carpet either." Then ALL in slow motion,

Sasori picked up an extra mattress from under Tobi and lunged it to Hidan, who struggled to catch it, and while he was barely clutching the mattress…

"There." He said, then walking back to his regular spot and continued to put his puppets together again.

Kakuzu thrust a pillow at Hidan's head, which practically hurt, considering his powerful strength.

"There." He also said, mimicking Sasori's monotone's voice.

Itachi then last tossed a blanket that covered his whole body.

"There."

* * *

**Room B:**

"Zetsu please stop running around to get sunlight." Pein ordered, looking around for the bathroom when our dear Zetsu was freaking out.

About the dark.

"I'm…dying…" The bright Zetsu complained. _Every. Night. _Pein twitched.

"**You're so over-dramatic…" **The dimmer said plainly. The body stopped running.

"I'll have you know that I am the more intelligent side and I'm the reason why your alive."

"**That doesn't explain how you got beat up by some 5 year old kids when you said that you could fight and 'Didn't need my help.'"**

"We were 3!"

"**And you said you were smarter…for picking on other kids. Riiiiiiight."**

"Just to let you know that You-"

"**Okay, not going to hear that speech again."**

"-But it's important!" The dark Zetsu snorted and used his arm to plug his side of the ear. "Hey! Listen to me when I talk to you!"

"**Blah blah blah~" **He sang.

"I-I helped you w-with your potty t-training though!" The brighter side sniffled slightly.

Did the light side ever tell you he was sensitive?

Konan ignored the two and continued reading a magazine while laying on her bed.

Pein was still frantically still searching for the fateful bathroom.

"Un, my pieces of art work!" Deidara bragged proudly, holding up his perfectly molded spider. He looked over to Kisame, who's back was facing him. Out of curiosity, the fusion blue-eyed male quietly shuffled near the oddly colored man. Looking over his shoulder he sees…

An Itachi plush?

"W-what the hell.." Deidara quickly covered his mouth with his palm, realizing he just blew his cover. Kisame immediately spun around looking at Deidara with wide eyes.

Awkward silence.

"U-uh.." Kisame stuttered, trying to think of something, "Why are you making out with yourself?" Deidara raised an eyebrow, then noticed that the mouth on his hand that was covering his mouth wasn't closed. He moved his face away from his palm an inch away--

But it was too late.

The tongue falsely detected Deidara's face as clay and licked his opened mouth that was silently gasping. Kisame burst into fits of laughter.

"Eww--Fuck, no!" Deidara pulled his hand away in disgust, spitting at the ground.

"My god, Hahahah!" The fish-man held his stomach while tumbling down to his side.

"Enough of that topic…" Deidara's eye landed on the Itachi plush that must've fell outta the Samehada user's grasps and landed on the ground, "What's with that toy of yours that looks like Itachi?"

Kisame stopped laughing.

"Ahh. Looks like I got your attention now." The bomber smirked, "So, you sleep with it?"

"Hell no." Kisame quickly replied, thrusting it back into his luggage. "It's a souvenir that arrived at the headquarters."

"Oooookay then." Deidara sang out sarcastically. "That you actually kept. Yeah that's _so badass _of you."

"Whatever, you mouth freak!"

"Fish-man!" Deidara spat back.

"Transsexual!"

"Itachi molester!"

"What the fuck?!" Kisame belched out.

"You heard what I've said!" Deidara ran and grabbed a pillow, chucking it at the surprised male. He replied by throwing the pillow back, but before he could, another smashed into his face.

"Screw you, Deidara!"

"Sorry, I don't roll that way Kisame." Deidara let out a laugh. Kisame threw his second pillow that hit his face and the edge of the fluffy pillow landed in Deidara's mouth while he was laughing.

"Mffmmff!" The blond-haired male muffled through the fabric.

"What's that Deidara? You need help to cover the rest of your mouths?" Kisame taunted. "Gotcha." He ran to grab another pillow, but was interrupted by a magazine flying at his face again, smashing with maximum force he fell backwards.

"Dumb ass…" Deidara snickered, but then was being attacked by origami balls that can seriously pack a punch! Konan gave each of the foolish boys a look.

"Shut up. Good luck with Paper cuts, and doesn't it feel nice to have art going against you?" the blue-haired female seethed. She got another magazine out called 'playboy' and relaxed on her bed.

Her relaxation was short lived when Deidara threw a paper ball at her.

Oh, how he knows how to push Konan's buttons.

"You retard!" She crumpled bunches of paper and began a paper ball fight. Kisame ripped pages out of the magazine that was thrown to him and balled them to perfect spheres and began chucking at Deidara, followed by Konan.

"Hey! Not fair! Two against one!" He shouted out half playfully, half dead serious. He took handfuls of paper balls and threw some at Konan.

"My sunlight!!" Zetsu screamed, continuing to run around.

"**Shut up! This happens every freaking night!" **His darker side shouted at him.

"You and your stupid paper cuts, Konan!" Kisame complained, while still chucking balls of paper at the blond-haired Akatsuki member.

"Well have some more!" Konan continued throwing more and the room seemed to have filled and transformed into some dumpster.

Minutes turned into half hours…

Everyone panted in exhaustion after the gigantic ball fight. Kisame was glaring at Deidara who was glaring at Konan who was glaring at _both _of them.

"See what you two did!" She started, pointing at the mess, "Now Pein's going to kill all of us before we get to learn!"

"N-not that it was my fault!" Deidara stammered, "I was just curious why Kisame has an Itachi plush is all!"

"It is my property, and privacy that your bugging into! It's not any of your business!" Kisame threatened.

"Property…?" The other two members questioned.

"N-not property! You know what I mean-" Kisame was cut off by Deidara's laughing.

"I KNEW it! You totally sleep with the plush! Oohhhh man! Just wait until I tell Itachi what you've been doing every night thinking of him because he didn't wanna share a room with you!"

"Shut up Deidara." Konan calmly ordered, "And don't we all wonder what you do to yourself at night with those nasty things on your hands?" It was now Kisame's turn to laugh in the game called 'Laugh-At-The-Idiot-Who-Does-Stuff-At-Night.'

"I do NOT masturbate with the fucking mouths on my hands! You can ask Sasori!"

"And why's that?" Konan asked, trying to contain her laughter also.

"We share the same room--"

"HAAAAAAHAHA!" The both burst out by how the blond-haired male had explained.

"That sounded SO. Wrong hahaaah!" Konan commented.

"Well I wonder why Pein is so happy these days?" Deidara slyly replied. Kisame gasped.

"Konan! Damn girl, you slu-"

Konan walked to in mid-sentence and slapped our shark-man on the cheek.

"Hell, don't go there." Konan seethed, "You sickos."

"Sun…light.."

"Shut up, Zetsu!" Everyone yelled at him.

"You stupid pricks!" He yelled back, "**You guys are so loud!"**

"Well, these two MORONS think I slept with Pein!"

"They think I masturbate!"

"You do though."

"Shut the hell up Kisame! You sleep with stuff toys!" Deidara hollered. Kisame went and grabbed Deidara by the throat, choking him as Konan was trying to restrain the wild beast as Zetsu was just standing there yelling insults at them.

"DUUUUUDEEE!!" Pein bellowed, running out of the bathroom he found. Immediately not wanting to get beaten to a bloody pulp by Pein everyone gave their full attention, and a questioning look.

"THERE'S AIR FRESHENER IN THE BATHROOM!!!" He yelled again, happily.

After his announcement, he ran back in the bathroom to admire the can of air freshener.

"What…" Deidara started out slowly.

"The…"

"Fuck." Konan finished.

"Why was he so happy about it?" Zetsu asked curiously.

"Maybe we didn't have air freshener back at the headquarters…?" Kisame suggested. Konan face-palmed.

"Leader-sama needs to go out to the convenience store more."

"My god… I'm just gonna go to sleep." Deidara, quite disturbed at Pein's surprising actions climbed into his bed. Others agreed and did the same.

Zetsu went to a corner and whimpered, praying that morning will come before he dies.

Later when everyone is sleeping..

Kisame opened one eye, making sure everyone was fast asleep. The coast was clear as he climbed out of bed and tip-toed and took a glance at Zetsu who looked like he passed out. He shrugged it off and continued his destination to his luggage.

He unzipped it slowly, hoping it won't wake anyone…

He pulled out a small figure of an Itachi plush, hugged it tight and tip-toed to his bed. He covered himself and the plush with a blanket for warmth. He cuddled the Itachi.

"…Mooorrrroooonnn…" A voice cracked quietly in the shadows in an insulting way.

Kisame shifted his position, sitting up he looked around, seeing another figure in the same sitting position he was. He squinted his eyes as his eyes projected to the dark.

There lay Deidara, raising an eyebrow and grinning in victory.

"I **_so_** knew that you slept with stuff toys."

* * *

**A/N: CAUGHT RED HANDED! BUSTED! Hhahaaah! **

**This chapter came out a ton longer than I thought, and I'm proud of that. I was happy that I even had the time to write! Thank you for who were patient waiting for the other recent chapter, Sorry about that! Man I apologize way too much x]**

**Preview: **Everyone's going to wake for their first day at Natural learning! It's time to sign up for their elective classes! But who knows? For an organization with full badasses, even basic learning shall be a huge challenge.

_Read, Review, Criticize,_

_Arigatou!_

_~Akane_


	7. Damn Explanations

**Chapter is here! Never fear!!**

_**Okay, maybe it was the other way around…**_

**But really, my freaking god. Thank sooo much for another 4-5 other instant reviews after I posted my new chapter! I only used to expect at least 1 new per chapter, but now thanks for all your guys' support! **

**And after I read all the new ones I wanted to write more!**

**=] keep reading!**

***doesn't own Naruto***

* * *

5:30 AM.

The alarm clock went off.

Deidara groaned, clearly hearing the signal jumped out of bed and did a huge cat stretch. He walked over to Kisame's bed, where the man laid, still cuddling his plush.

_What a baby… _He thought to himself. He suddenly had an idea.

He slyly grabbed the plush out of Kisame's grasps and hid it under the bed.

Minutes later everyone in the school woke. Groaning, yawning, and cussing were heard as faucets and showers were turned on. A voice cracked through the intercom:

"This is Kabuto with announcements."

Insert ignorance.

"-And to tell you that you shall pick up a backpack in your assigned room with your name on it. It has all your supply needs. There is a morning meeting everyday and it shall take hold in my office. For now, please after you, Akatsuki, are all prepared, take your backpack and wait together in a room for further notice." And just like that the intercom temporary turned off.

"Hmm, un." Deidara thought to himself as he eyed his yellow backpack with his name engraved in thread. He then had another idea. While Kisame was in the bathroom, he jogged to his bed, took the plush from under the bed and placed it in his backpack with a evil smirk.

* * *

It came to 6 AM as Everyone decided to wait together in Room A, since it didn't look like some paper ball dumpster. The intercom went back on again, revealing Kabuto's voice.

"I see everyone has gotten their backpack ready. Come into my office; it should have a sign on it and I shall tell you what you will be going through."

"What kind of guy does he think he is? Telling us what the fuck we should do…" Hidan mumbled, his grip getting tighter on his white backpack strap.

"Calm down, Hidan. At least you'll actually be getting something through your head." Pein replied, eyeing his Purple backpack with black rings around, resembling his Rinnegan. Itachi's backpack was crimson with black commas for his sharingan eyes. Zetsu's was a split color, like the Ying-Yang. Tobi's was orange, Sasori's was a plain red, Kakuzu's were green, Kisame's were blue, and yadda yadda,

You get the freaking point.

The door opened, as two figures were at the desk dressed in black silk suits with a nice, bloody red tie.

"Glad you guys can make it." Kabuto started in his deep voice.

"Let'sssss get to the point, ssssshall we?" The snake freak spoke after. The Akatsuki took their seat around the circular conference table.

"Now, I see you guys are here for an education, and such. Very well, Akatsuki. We're going to test you to see if you guys are worth the brains." Kabuto lifted a pile of papers, scanning through them, "Good thing our morning session will be short; because your teachers can't wait to meet you."

"Teachers?" Everyone echoed after.

"Yesssss." Orochimaru chuckled.

"Anyways, our rules are that you guys have a specific uniform you must wear. Please unzip your-"

"Whoa!" Kisame interrupted.

"-Backpacks." Kabuto finished, with a sweat drop.

"…Oh." The shark-man replied.

"And there should be a formal outfit for you guys. Please take the time now and go change."

Chairs shifted, as everyone walked to the changing rooms right next to the office. Zetsu walked near Kisame and started a conversation.

"You thought he was going to say pants?" He raised an eyebrow, **"You're seriously an idiot."**

"Hey, sor-ry. It's just that you'd never know. Kabuto might've followed that pedophile's footsteps.."

Deidara unzipped his backpack and pulled out some black pants and a nice, white polo with a black polo jacket along with a red tie and Brown formal shoes.

"Can't really remember the last time I wore something …normal-looking, un." He mumbled to himself he stepped into the changing room.

* * *

Few minutes later everyone reunited at the conference table once again.

"I see they actually fit you well, if I do say so myself." Kabuto complimented nicely.

"Fucking weirdos that knows our size…" Hidan whispered.

"Anyways, your teachers will not reveal their names. You call them by what class you are in. For example: After this is over, you shall report to Mrs. Homeroom." Orochimaru stood up and pulled a piece of large size paper and stuck it to the white board behind them.

"Each of you shall have exactly 5 minutes to get your butts to class. Any tardy will not be tolerated. Akatsuki will go as a group to the same classes in order. Lunch will be at 11 to 12. Each class is 55 minutes." He then drew something on the board,

"School day starts at 7, and ends at 3, which means not counting lunch, you will have 7 period of classes each day." Kabuto then stood up, placing another piece of paper with words.

"In your homeroom, you introduce yourselves to your teachers respectively. Remember to use manners. They are not 'super-duper-ninjas.'"

"What about this thing called 'Elective classes?" Deidara blurted out. Orochimaru glared at him with his snake eyes.

"Whenever you speak, you must raise your hand." Deidara slunk his shoulder and rolled his eyes.

"Your classes has already been chosen. Like we've said; you guys are going to the same classes together; which means all of you have the same schedule." Suddenly the bell rang at 6:55. Almost everybody except Orochimaru and his assistant jumped out of their seat in surprise.

"W-what the fuck?!" Hidan shouted. Kabuto hushed him down.

"Foul language is not allowed in school, Hidan."

Oh how Kabuto learns to push his buttons.

Hidan blew up after _Kabuto's _comment.

"Are you crazy?! No fucking swearing?! Boy, don't get me started with your bitch-ass rules of MY fucking religion! I am going to cut your fucking throat and feed it to fucking Jashin you bastard!"

"Hush, Hidan." He pouted, crossed his arms and sat down, glaring at the ground. _Asshole…_ he mentally added at the end.

"Have fun…" Orochimaru supported. Everyone began walking out the door with Sasori last in line. Before he closed the door,

"-And don't fail." Kabuto smirked. Sasori stopped in mid-track, and could feel the smirk burn in their backs. He then shut the door, turning back around to face the Akatsuki.

"Anybody think it's suspicious?"

"Hell, who doesn't?" Hidan snorted, "That bastard thinks he can discard my fucking cussing. It's highly healthy for my soul."

"Since when was it healthy for your soul?" Kisame questioned.

"Ever since I fucked your mother."

"Hidan, your really bad with comebacks you know." Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Fuck you all." Hidan flicked them all off, and walked away to their class, acting superior.

"Hidan, the homeroom is the other way." Itachi said, smirking a little.

"Fuck you, Itachi!"

* * *

**A/N: MUAHAHHA! Yes, I purposely ended here on purpose. I have a feeling I must've overused the F bomb... eep -crosses fingers-**

**Yes, it was a lot shorter. **

**Yes, it didn't really 'get to the point.' but I like to drag my readers along. **

**I got a hella lot ideas for the next chapter… But for some reason I have a feeling it'll all be about the Homeroom. Let's hope not!**

**Because I'd like to get past the explanations for School and make them go to it like it was a normal day.**

**Yes, I did make it simpler for you guys to understand their schedule.**

**Til next chapter guys! **

_ Read, review, criticize!_

** Arigatou!**

~Akane


	8. Mrs Homeroom

**Hhaha! Another chapter has arrived for Boarding School for Dummies!**

**Enjoy!**

**Sadly I do not own Naruto or Akatsuki.**

**If I did then they'd do something hot for our Akatsuki fans.**

**=[ boo-hoo.**

**Lol XD Thank you for the lovely reviews!**

**UPDATE: This shood've been posted yesterday, but my internet was broken because of the snow, hail and wind.**

**but luckily my dad fixed it hahah :] sorry for the delay, enjoy!**

* * *

After many shuffling of the feet and the flow of curse words that came from no other than Hidan. While they were walking, Deidara had an idea.

"Hey, un." Hidan turned his face around, giving him attention.

"Did you know schools have a place where you sacrifice to your god?" now THAT, has gotten the Jashin worshipper's full attention.

"Keep talking…?"

"And I have found one! Perfect for your ritual, ya know?"

"Uh-huh…where is it?" Deidara led him and Hidan away from the group that paid absolutely no attention to what was happening and made it to another empty hallway.

"It's in there, and you can come out whenever you can." Hidan suddenly got excited and let out a howl. **(You know, like in the Shippuden.) **He walked into the empty room and examined its surroundings.

"Whoa! They got red blood here too! This is perfect for sacrificing." He turned around with a sheepish smile.

"I think I have underestimated you, Deidara." The blond-haired male gave a reassuring grin in reply.

"Don't worry about it. Just get in there and come back out whenever you're done, okay?" Hidan nodded and kept looking at the blood stains. Deidara shut the door, locking it.

"Hell yeah he underestimated me, un." He smirked and walked away from the abandoned closet that had the sign that said _Art closet: Paints._

_That's for calling me gay, un.._ He caught up with the group and made it to their homeroom to start off the day.

"Hello, children." A feminine voice bounced off the walls.

_Children!? How dare she! They are not children! They are fully, grown a-_

"Nice to meet you." They chorused together.

_-dults…_

"Have a seat, please. Welcome to first period; Homeroom." The males took their seat without any threat.

"Let's introduce ourselves, shall we? I am your first period teacher, Mrs. Homeroom." She looked like she was in her 40s, with glasses and overall a very hippy fashion for clothes, because, oh, I don't know, her whole outfit was tie-dyed? Her blonde and grayish hair looked like a haystack.

"Let's have you, with red hair to start." Sasori stood up, feeling awkwardness between him and his classmates.

"My name is Sasori…" He trailed off.

"Don't be shy, dear." She reassured. It felt exactly like fifth grade again. Those awkward silences, those people. Those eyes…staring right at you, trying to make you pee your pants.

"And…I'm a puppet…?"

-insert palm face.-

"Idiot! He's not supposed to reveal anything! He's supposed to act like a normal boy!" Kisame hissed, concerned that Sasori already blown his cover. The teacher quickly took a glance at Kisame, who looked away, acting like nothing happened.

"Thank you, Sasori…for that interesting fact." She pushed her glasses further up her nose, "How about you with the blue hair, since you seem like you want to share so badly."

"I-I'm Kisame." He stuttered.

"Did you paint your skin on the way here?" She questioned, eyeing him up and down to make sure he didn't dye himself _everywhere._

"This is my natural skin color…" He spat out without a second thought. He froze.

-insert another face-palm-

"Better said than done, un." Deidara smirked, but was next up to bat.

"Are you comfortable in that? That suit is for guys, You poor thing.." She started taking off her hippy jacket.

"Un, No! Y-you got it wrong! I'm a guy, thank you very much, un." She stopped in mid-track, sweat dropping.

"Oh, sorry honey. That kind of explains your AA size hehe.." She rubbed the back of her head.

"Huh?"

* * *

"Okay class, It's time for what I call, show and tell. Did anybody bring anything?" She asked sweetly. Deidara was about to blurt out, but remembered that he had to have manners. He raised his hand to be called on.

"Yes, Deidara? Thank you for volunteering! Here's a golden sticker!" She ripped the sticky paper and stuck it on Deidara's jacket near the tie. He gave a smile and unzipped his backpack, and took out a miniature stuffed toy.

"Oh? Is that yours, young man?" She examined it, then looked at Itachi, "It looks like Itachi."

"Well, it isn't exactly mine." the blond-haired Akatsuki member shrugged and looked over to Kisame, who was blushing like mad and giving him the death glare. Those beady eyes shouted something like _I'm cutting your hands off after this!_

Deidara shot a look that replied _Not if I cut them off first! _He then went to a blank face.

That didn't come out right.

"Deidara? Please explain that plush."

"It's really Kisame's. Here _pal,_ catch." He threw the plush into the air as Kisame scrambled to recover it. It was in mid-air, and Kisame decided to dive for it. In slow motion, he gave a leap, everyone stared in anticipation.

The plush flipped once, twice…

Kisame extended his arms as far as the guy can go, eager to catch the little fellow. The plush did another flip…

This…

Is insanely intense.

Kisame was going to catch it! He's going to! He has the plush!-

Oh wait it fell out of his arms. Ouch! Kisame went face first! In fantasy, he leaped a thousand feet to retrieve his buddy, but failed in complete great honor!

But in reality he just hopped forward less than a feet and failed the catch it.

Miserably.

-insert cricket chirping-

"...Sir, are you okay?" Mrs. Homeroom asked. Kisame picked himself of immediately and brushed off residue.

"It's just a surprise prize I've won." He plainly said.

"Oh? It's nice that you brought your prize with you…Why does it look like Itachi?"

"Not much. Coincidence."

"Anything special that you do?"

"Yeah, anything?" Deidara snorted.

"Shut it." He hissed, then turned to Mrs. Homeroom.

"I.. cuddle it at night?"

Awkward silence.

* * *

"Have fun guys! Food class is next, it should be around here!" Mrs. Homeroom waved goodbye as they replied with a wave back. She walked in and sat at her desk looking at the pictures of her new students.

"Hmm?" She picked a photo up. "I thought Mr. Orochimaru told me there were 10 of them coming."

"You're a puppet? Wow, what a great way to introduce yourself, Sasori." Kisame snorted.

"You have natural, odd-looking blue skin, Kisame. Way to knock her socks off." He retorted back calmly. The two looked to the opposites way and mentally pouted in grief.

"It seems a little quiet around here…" Zetsu started. "**yeah, because you're actually shutting up for once." **His other side replied.

Itachi was still cussing at himself for taking a Sasuke keychain instead of his plush.

Minus the disturbing fact that his Akatsuki partner sleeps with a plush that looks exactly like him.

_That stupid copy-cat…_ He mentally hissed.

"Hey, Tobi." Kakuzu started. The orange-masked male gave a glance, while skipping down the hallway.

"Yes, oh-Kakuzu-san?"

"You want to make a bet?"

"Yes! Tobi loves making bets!"

"Whoever loses must fork over 3 grand. Is that good?"

"3 grand? Sound good to Tobi." Tobi replied.

"I bet you, that Kisame will make Deidara pregnant." The responding male gasped.

"What?!"

"And I will win if you cannot stop them!" Tobi got determined and stood in his goofy fighting stance while walking backwards, facing Kakuzu who was almost about twice his size.

"Tobi will try his best to win!" Kakuzu smirked behind his half-face mask.

_This'll be amusing…_

"Oh yeah, talking about quiet…" Sasori started, interpreting what Zetsu had mentioned earlier. "Where's that loud-mouth Hidan?"

"Probably trying to pray to Jashin." Itachi sarcastically recalled.

"Yeah, about that…" Deidara started, but got a lot of stares after his sentence. He placed both of his hands in the air in defeat.

"Never mind, un. To Foods, un! I'll show you how to really cook up some rice cakes, Sasori!"

"Okay then…" He replied in his monotone voice. _But Deidara can't cook for shit..._

* * *

Somewhere at the end of the hallway where the Akatsuki are heading, there was loud banging on a locked door and obviously loud, long curse words echoing through the halls. Coming from a male that was trapped in, Oh maybe,

An abandoned Art closet?

Nahhhhh.

* * *

**Hahaha! End of chapter numero ocho!**

**Had a lot of fun writing this.. Should've been up earlier but I got addicted with GIMP, a free drawing program. So I decided to draw Akatsuki in their lovely suits.**

**Feel free to check them out at my DeviantArt!**

**I don't have much, but I got some people on there!**

**Read, review, criticize! Arigatou!**

**~Akane **


	9. Mrs Foods

**Chapter 9!**

**Okay, holy CRAP.**

**I didn't expect 26 reviews (currently)…yes I know, not much but for your second story that makes me very happy :]**

**Also, thank you sooo much for the 670+ hits along with 230+ visitors…**

**I have great hope that will continue to grow!**

**Ah yes. The sadness of not Owning Naruto…**

**Oh, the joy of Kishimoto laughing at us for not owning it…**

**-tear-**

* * *

"Shitbag…" a Jashin worshipper cursed. "I take back what I said about underestimating you."

"Toothpaste." Deidara simply replied.

"The fuck?" Deidara turned around while walking backwards.

"Toothpaste." The Akatsuki stopped strolling and watched the argument quickly after they stopped in front of the locked closet with Hidan, who was pounding at the door yelling something about murdering a certain blonde-haired male.

"What's this have to do with toothpaste?" Sasori asked.

"Hidan cannot simply take back what he said because it has been already said and he can't simply re-eat his words since he already spit it out to the world, un."

"Huh?" Everyone got confused. Deidara shrugged.

"He can't take his words back."

"What the hell does this have to do with toothpaste again?" Itachi started to get irritated with the fellow member.

"Because that's the same as the toothpaste with its gel, once you squeeze the material out, it can't simply get back into the tube, so it's the same as Hidan can't take his words back because when he said he underestimated me he had 'taken the toothpaste gel out of the tube.' So yeah, un."

"In simple words, Deidara!" Kisame shouted at him for using such long sentences and probably big words that he had never heard in his life.

"Why are you using long explanations, anyways?" Kakuzu asked.

"Woman! You're not speaking proper!" Hidan shouted. Deidara gave a glare at the snow-haired male.

"Woman? You look like a hermaphrodite."

"Just explain, Deidara. So we can get a move on."

"Hidan already said it. He can't put the gel back into the tube."

"But what does Hidan have to do with toothpaste?!" Everyone screeched in annoyance.

"You cannot put toothpaste back into tube." He then looked over to Hidan, "And Hidan cannot take back what he said. Just like toothpaste."

…

...

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Everyone echoed.

_Idiots…_ Deidara smirked as he started to walk.

_Bing!_ The bell rang three times.

"Shit. We're late." Pein said, his heart sinking.

From that second on, everyone ran for their lives to the Foods room which was a long hallway away.

* * *

The first day of Natural Learning…

The Akatsuki were late.

How. Smart.

**(A/N I was almost late too…had 10 second left XD)**

They ran down a hallway, almost tripping. Sasori tried pushing Itachi out of the way, but was only accidentally kicked.

"Watch where your going." He deadpanned, while sprinting. Running in black pants with some uniform wasn't as comfortable as running freely in your Akatsuki uniforms.

"Sasori? Un." Deidara looked over his shoulder with a limping Red-haired male. Tobi's was skipping, and to everyone's surprise, didn't take long for him to catch up by simply skipping of a girly girl.

"I swear, Deidara, if it wasn't your fucking fault to lock me in that bitch ass of a closet this wouldn't be happening," He tried throwing a punch, but failed and almost tripped, "And your stupid toothpaste theory thing!"

**(A/N: Hey! D8 my math teacher made that up…)**

"Well, un. It was the only way to shut you up, and I suggest you do that now if you want to get to class on time!"

"I suggest all of you to shut up, so none of us can get a pummeling." Pein inputted, irritated at his recruited members' actions. They turned another hallway, running into someone.

"Oof!" The mysterious person fell on its butt.

"Great job, Kisame." Zetsu snorted, "You ran into a person with your overly sized frame."

"Wouldn't be talking, you cannibal!" He snorted back.

"I see, no helping up eh? And you guys are late." Kabuto stood up, brushed off the dust on his suit and handed each a slip, "I had a feeling you guys will be in this situation. Like we've said; Tardiness will not be tolerated."

"Detention?" Everyone echoed.

"Have a good morning. If you're late by another few minutes expect another slip soon."

And just like that they sprinted off, cussing and pushing each other and also blaming others for delaying their trip to Food class.

* * *

They ran into the room, shoving one another out and then collapsing onto the ground panting.

"I see you guys are late." A woman voice broke throughout the room. They stood up, running to their seats. "I think the hall monitor already had caught you guys, no?" some nodded in response.

"T-Tobi's a good boy.." The orange-masked male stuttered vulnerably while fidgeting with his fingers.

"Since this is the first day, I will decide not to criticize you guys." She announced sweetly, walking toward her desk. She looked at the Akatsuki organization with her striking eyes.

"I am your Foods class teacher; Call me Mrs. Foods."

-insert repeat of introduction-

"I see." She looked over at the clock. "Since we have 15 minutes, I would like to start off nice and fresh. As a first day You guys will get cookies and enjoy yourselves." She started passing out the treats, along with 3 cookies per member. Each remind themselves to have some manners and thanked Mrs. Foods for the present.

"I wonder what cookies would taste like…" Zetsu wondered out loud, receiving weird looks. **"What? You guys know I eat-"**

"-Mash potatoes!" Pein interrupted the cannibal, sweat dropping and is determined not to let anything else slip from their mouths like what happened during Mrs. Homeroom's class. Zetsu gave Leader-sama a weird look as Pein was clearing his throat, readjusting his tie.

"Oh? Well I hope you enjoy them then." Mrs. Foods gave a warm smile as the Akatsuki chow down their goodies. They also received milk.

**(A/N: Ahh…those good days of 7th**** grade first day of Foods…Cookies! Too bad it was only for a quarter :[. But now I have it for a semester! 8D)**

"This is not too sweet or bitter." Sasori took a bite and complimented. But he felt that he wasn't that hungry. Deidara grabbed the cookie,

Only to be devoured by his hand.

"Aww, un!" He whined. He tried taking his second cookie with his fingertips, only to be licked by the long tongue, which somehow grabbed it and made it to its mouth.

"Not fair!" He whispered. He looked around to see if anyone was observing him. The coast was clear.

So Deidara smashed his face against his paper plate on the table which made quite a noise.

He received multiple looks coming from the other peers.

He surely never heard of 'do it secretly', has he?

He lifted his face up, with crumbs sticking on the sides of his mouth as he chewed with a smile on his face. Mrs. Foods walked over to Hidan, kneeled down to his sitting height and whispered into his ear.

"That child, over there. Is he special Ed?" Hidan was about to spat at the teacher of how stupid she is, until a light bulb lit up mentally. He decided to take revenge on the blond-haired male after his lock-down in the closet.

"Hel-I mean.. Yes… he is. Such a poor child. Never had gotten a chance I must say." He was surprised himself that he haven't cussed once in that sentence.

Almost.

And wasn't he so proud of himself that period.

Mrs. Foods made a 'tsk tsk' sound while shaking her head in sympathy, watching Deidara chewing the delightful cookie and enjoying the time of his life.

He turned around to see what was up and the two people looked away, pretending nothing happened. He looked to Sasori who was barely finishing his second cookie and was also staring at him with a questioning look.

"Hey, are you going to eat that?" He asked. Sasori snapped out of his trance and slowly pushed his paper plate to Deidara.

"Knock yourself out." He replied with a hint of worry and raised eyebrow.

_Literally._

* * *

**Hahaha! Yay! Another chapter finished! I just HAD to pick on Deidara when it comes to foods and him grabbing the food with hands with a mouth. Review please! Arigatou! :]**

**~Akane**


	10. Periods 3 to 5

**Yes! Chapter 10!**

**-dances-**

**I'm enjoying this story A LOT!**

**Since it's hard to give up on now since some parts are also part real life experience!**

**Haha.. When you mix up Reality with Fan fiction…**

**It ain't a pretty sight.**

**Well, for the Akatsuki anyways.**

**:]**

**Kishimoto is the owner of Naruto.**

**Thank you for the 1190 + hits total! **

**WTF thanks for the 1000+ hits for January!**

**I just recently got a Review telling me about Konan. Haha thanks! I didn't forget her, so this will be almost focused on her since she's the only female and She hasn't talked throughout the whole story almost!**

* * *

"What? That cookie was good." Deidara wiped his mouth with his hand, continuing to walk to their next class, Science.

"Yeah, but you didn't have to slam your face into the yummy goodness." Konan raised an eyebrow.

"Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you can act like my mother." He retorted.

"Are you being sexist?" The blue-haired female deadpanned. She fastened her pace and caught up to Deidara's side.

"No. It's just that you're a girl, and you don't HAVE to be the one who acts like in charge."

"Says the one who looks like one." Konan replied in monotone. Deidara snorted like the little brat he was.

Onto Science we go…

* * *

-insert repeat of introduction-

"Well hello. I am Mr. Science." The oddly bald, skinny man introduced in his unemotional voice. Some wondered that their Science teacher was a complete robot.

"So… do we get to mix chemicals and make them explode?" Konan asked happily.

"Yes,"

Deidara cheered.

"-But we do not make them explode, silly one." Mr. Science laughed.

Deidara groaned in disappointment.

"So, you guys are called Akatsuki I presume? And there's one girl…" He took a glance at the blue-haired female.

"Yes?" Konan felt awkward.

"How do you feel about being the only girl in here?"

"Not much, except I might get _criticized_ here and there…" she seethed, glaring across the room at Deidara. He snorted back in reply.

"Hey, I just said that just because you're a girl-"

"There he goes again, being sexist!" Konan rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Now, now… Let's not fight about gender.. Besides; our first unit will go over the Reproductive system.. So we shall be on the same page."

"Reproductive system?" Everyone echoed.

"You know; the Scrotum, and the Fallopian tubes…"

Oh how the Akatsuki were confused.

The bell rang, saving them from more confusion.

"Have a nice day, Akatsuki." The rest walked out quickly, waiting to get this day over with. Kisame kept up with Itachi with him curiously,

"Is the Scrotum where you keep food?" he asked.

"…"

* * *

**Period 4: Miss Social Studies.**

"Hello there! I'm Miss Social Studies." A young lady that was around in her twenties greeted the coming group. Others replied and some just nodded. Konan felt relieved that she wasn't the only girl in the room right now.

"See, since she's a mother-" Deidara started unintelligently,

"She's not married, you dumbbell." Konan hissed, "And besides, why do you care if I'm a girl or not? Does that bother you?"

"No fighting on the first day now, children." Miss Social Studies warned sweetly. Konan stuck her tongue out like a little girl scout and sat far from the blond-haired male. Why couldn't Deidara just DROP it? I mean.. just because Konan's a girl. They're both the same on the inside right?

Right?!

"So, let's introduce yourself, since I already told you my name."

"But Miss Social Studies isn't really your name." Kakuzu started. Everyone looked at him, forgetting that he even existed.

"Yes, but it's still introducing."

"But that is not your real name."

"Kakuzu, just drop it!" Konan hissed. She silently palm faced, Deidara, now Kakuzu!?

"I see we have a good arguer in here…" She said, interested, "We'll be debating a lot. So be prepared….Kakuzu was it?"

"I'd be looking forward for it."

Shudder shudder shudder.

* * *

**Period 5: Mr. and Mrs. Sex Ed/Behavior**

**(A/N: I know Science is talking about the reproductive system, but science does NOT cover the risk of STDs and such. This Sex Ed does. Lol.)**

"Welcome to Sex Ed and Behavior are your teachers. I am-"

"Ooh, don't tell me!" Hidan interrupted them quite rudely, "You're Mrs. Sex and he's Mr. Sex!"

Everyone got quiet. The female coughed awkwardly, glancing back at her Husband.

"Actually, no. I am Mrs. Behavior and he is Mr. Behavior."

"Hidan. You. Idiot." Konan whacked him on the back on the head.

"You _bitch_! My _fucking_ hair is ruined!" The snow-haired male screeched. The teachers gasped as Hidan spun around again, realizing that foul language could not be tolerated.

"Now, now. That is why you guys are here, I assume." Mr. Sex--I mean Mr. Behavior examined.

"Hidan, you blew it big time." Zetsu rang out. He then turned to the plant-freak and flicked him off.

"Hey! Those actions and verbs are prohibited in school!" Mrs. Behavior growled, "Well, since this is the first day, I will let it slide. But do NOT let it happen again, okay young man?"

"Who're you calling young--" Hidan got elbowed by Itachi, who was already irritated as crap.

"Shut it." He seethed quietly.

"--Yes ma'am." Hidan continued flatly, responding to the teacher.

"Also, violence shall not be allowed either. Got it young lady?"

"Who're you calling young--" Konan got nudged by Pein this time, receiving a glare.

"--Y-yes ma'am." As the blue-haired female replied in the same voice as Hidan. Both boiled up Akatsuki members shot a look at each other, then glared at the ground.

"We will cover an arrange of risk of having Sex, and the correct behaviors of leading to a great life ahead of you." Mr. Behavior announced happily like it was the last thing to do on earth, "I hope you guys are not involved with any sexual activity?"

All eyes landed on Konan.

"Do I REALLY look like some prostitute to you?" She turned to them, with hands on hips, "Do you REALLY think that I would sell myself for some pleasure? I stay at headquarters, cleaning here and that," She pointed at Deidara,

"And I have to deal with some Sexist over there--" She then pointed to Hidan. "And some loudmouth who can't keep his trap shut! I make dinner, brew coffee for Leader-sama!"

"*Cough*-Fertilizer-*Cough*" Zetsu added quietly. The female Akatsuki member shot a glare at Zetsu.

"At least I can cook for you guys!"

"Konan, you know I don't eat your cooking. I am a cannibal.. So I eat-"

"M-Mash potatoes!" Pein gasped again, recovering the same incident at Foods. "H-he's a cannibal.. For mash potatoes.. He loves them so much." He gave a small, fake laugh. But everyone but the teachers heard what hidden words were shadowed by the laughter.

_You guys are in deep shit if you let anything slide._

The bell rang, and surprised everyone.

"I see… welcome to this class. See you tomorrow." Both teachers chorused as they exited to their office, leaving Akatsuki.

* * *

"What's next on our schedule?" Sasori asked, curious.

"Something boring I bet.. Can't believe I can't cuss in this school.. This is berserk!" Hidan grumbled through the hallways. Pein read the schedule in his pale hand.

"Mathematics.. With Mr. Math."

"Why do we need math? We can count, un!" Deidara argued.

"I think it'd be extra help for you, Deidara." Kisame joked.

"Yeah, especially if you're a GUY." Konan teased. Using the same sexist comment. All glares turned to Konan.

"What?" They spat simultaneously.

"I-I mean…" Konan squeaked, walking faster than the group.

"But I can count fine! See? One, two three…" Deidara started counting his fingers. The other sighed and continued walking to their destination.

"Sometimes I just wonder.. If he really is in special Ed…" Hidan wondered. Tobi kept chanting that he was a good boy and will pass school as Kakuzu couldn't wait to rack in his 3 grand.

"Hey guys! I got 7 fingers!" Deidara exclaimed happily as he looked up-

Finding nobody there.

"Guys? Hey wait up!" He ran, trying to catch up with the gang, but tripped and got noticed.

"Deidara, maybe you should count how many pills you need to take." Konan sneered, as she entered the math room.

"…You.." He stood up angrily.

"…Girl!"

* * *

**Finally! Chapter 10 is finished! Sorry for delays, but I decided to stay up and finish it for your guys' wait! Thank you for who stuck through with me, and hope the next chapter comes soon!**

**This was supposed to be uploaded last night, but I had to sleep with my door open because my mom found out that I was staying up and she found me snoring in front of a lit computer at 5 am in the monring so yeah LOL**

**But after i got home from school, i literally ran to my room to upload this, so thank you again for waiting almost another full day!**

-Akane


	11. Period 6 and 7

**I checked my chapter views which was 1 view this morning and it went to 140 a few hours after I uploaded my new chapter!? Wow guys, Really??!**

**Aww thank you ALL for still continuing to read my story x] it means a lot to me!**

**And 40 reviews currently? (2/14/10) Thanks guys! Last time I uploaded it was around 26..**

**Your reviews, every single one of them I gratefully appreciate =]**

**Apologies for the last delayed chapter (2 weeks, 1 day)**

**Hopefully it will not happen again.**

**If it does, then I'm apologizing in advance XD**

**Oh yes. The disclaimer…**

**I do not own the Akatsuki, or Naruto.**

**If I did… man won't those hot guys be stripping for us.**

**COUGH. ANYWAYS! On with the rest of the day…**

**Happy Valentine's day! (And a Happy Chinese New Year!)**

* * *

Period 6: Mr. Math.

Once the Akatsuki walked into Mr. Math's room…

Oh how they misjudged him.

Oh…so…dearly.

"Please explain.. Why you have one of the dwarfs all around your desk?" Kisame asked disturbingly, pointing at one of the seven dwarfs; Grumpy.

"I don't see why you're so disturbed Kisame." Deidara started, "Besides, you sleep with an Itachi plush. It doesn't get any worse than that, my friend."

Kisame elbowed Deidara in the stomach who was standing behind them. The blond-haired male cringed under contact, holding his tummy with one of his hands.

"Shut it. Do you want me to spread a rumor that you master--"

"I do NOT. Masturbate when my fucking hands!" He seethed quietly so Mr. Math wouldn't catch it.

"Please take your seats; I'm Mr. Math." A scruffy, jolly voice ringed through their ears. The man looked elderly, but somehow his face reference is similar to Grumpy.. Better yet there were stuffed Grumpies _everywhere_ around the classroom.

Hell, he even had a Grumpy sweater on.

"I'm -_Insert Akatsuki Member's name_.-" Each one took turns introducing themselves.

"Good, good." He commented flatly, "I hope everyone can count to ten!" Deidara raised his hand to volunteer, but was only forcefully slammed back down to his side by Itachi.

"Do you _really,_ need your ass kicked?" He deadpanned quietly, his voice almost mimicking Konan's when she was pissed at them for thinking she was a prostitute, except Itachi's voice was a lot lower.

"Doesn't hurt to try, does it?" He sneered back.

"Yes, it actually does." the raven-haired male responded back plainly.

"See, this is why Uchihas are called oh-so smart, because they don't say a damn thing!" He placed quotation marks around smart with his fingers, emphasizing it.

"And Deidara, your kind is oh-so stupid because they _do _say things." Itachi countered back skillfully.

"We will start our first units of distributing algebraic expressions." Mr. Math went up to the white board and wrote out,

_3(4x+7)_

"The three is getting distributed." He started out, "And pretend that you have 20 bucks, and you will need to distribute it to 10 other people.." Kakuzu raised his hand.

"Distribute means you get more, right?"

Mr. Math laughed.

"Silly, no. When you distribute you give away, okay?"

Oh how Kakuzu was pissed that later in Math class.

* * *

"NO, NO, NO!" A scruffy voiced boomed around the room. "You do NOT. Subtract in distributing!" Deidara could swore his skin was ripping off of his face by the wind impact caused by this old man's voice! Oh how he didn't want to admit Itachi was right when you're not supposed to volunteer…

"You rewrite." A voice said calmly.

All eyes landed on the Uchiha.

"…Yes. You do. Good job, Itachi." Mr. Math's tantrum had lowered down drastically as he wrote out the rewrite of the subtraction problem.

"Hey, I thought you said you didn't get to go to high school." Deidara whispered.

"This stuff is 8th grade stuff.. Learned it already, stupid. Unlike you who dropped out in 3rd grade." He smirked back.

"Phhttt. Watch, I'll surpass you in math."

"So, what do you do after you rewrite the subtraction problem?" Deidara heard nothing except for the subtraction word and raised his hand.

"Yes, Deidara?" The blond-haired male smirked at Itachi and answered.

"You rewrite!" He answered oh-so intelligently.

"…" Itachi mentally face palmed.

"WE ALREADY REWROTE! DO YOU LISTEN IN CLASS!"

"…" Itachi just chuckled at Deidara's actions while he was sulking for the rest of the period.

_You keep your notes on a scroll and read it from under your sleeve, the way Uchihas roll._

* * *

**Period 7: Mr. English.**

Everybody was mentally complaining how many types of shit they're going to go through with Mr. Math, he seemed like a hard-headed teacher that's strict.

"At least you weren't in the front row…" Sasori mumbled as he rubbed his head out of a serious migraine.

"Tobi is proud he sits in the front seat! Shouldn't Sasori be too?" The orange-masked (almost forgotten) male exclaimed in glee.

"You didn't get a headache from him shouting at Deidara the whole time?"

Tobi gasped.

"Deidara-sempai got yelled at!?" He ran over to the sulking blonde and gave him a gripping hug. "Oh sempai! You're too innocent to get yelled at!"

He bonked Tobi on the head.

* * *

The teacher looked like in his mid twenties just like Miss Social Studies, and dressed all properly, unlike a certain Mr. Math guy who wore a Grumpy sweater…

"Welcome." His mid-low voice rang out as the Akatsuki entered the room. Each greeted with a nod and took their seat wherever they pleased.

"So, do we just speak English?" Zetsu asked suddenly.

"We shall use commas, punctuation, and proper grammar."

"But we good at grammar, no?" Pein questioned. He even wonders if the teacher is looking down at them.

"Uh." He stammered. During the whole period, they realized that he had a habit of saying 'uh'.

As long minutes passed by of Mr. English explaining his life and how he wanted to strangle his teachers when he was younger and so that he can teach his class however he wants the class bell had saved them from his lecture, at the Akatsuki rushed out as they can, their backpacks hitting their backs.

* * *

"Well, he was a piece of shit." Hidan commented as they were far enough from the classroom and was walking back to their dorms.

"Guys, you're going the wrong way." Pein quietly said, looking at his hands.

"What do you mean? Our dorms are this way." Sasori replied, pointing ahead.

"What is it, leader-sama?" Konan asked, looking over his shoulder to see what was going on and paled.

"Konan, you girl, spit it out!" Deidara sneered, not giving up the sexist competition.

"…" Konan and Pein went quiet, and soon everyone was quiet.

"What the hell is it?" Hidan asked, the only one that didn't look.

"We need to head over to the…" Pein started.

"-Detention center." Sasori finished. Hidan took a few second to let every word soak in.

"Aww, fuck!" He whined loudly.

_Aww, fuck. _Everyone mentally agreed.

* * *

**Hehehe! Detention time! And it's on their first day of school too!**

**Ohohoho o3o!**

**Til next time! Thanks for reading!**

**~Akane**


	12. Mrs Detention Part I

**I do not Own Naruto or Akatsuki in any way possible. **

**Thanks for the reviews! **

**50 Review special!**

**Dedicated to all for those who reviewed, and those who stuck with me from the very first chapter to this one!**

**Stupid computer is shutting down.**

**Stupid School work getting in the way.**

**Stupid Tests getting in the way.**

**Stupid Akane needs to shut up and get to writing before this story gets delayed any longer.**

**And yes I did warn you about face palms, no?**

* * *

The Akatsuki walked-No, _trudged shamefully _To the detention class after the school day was over. But the question was….

_Where the hell is it?!_

Ahh. Good question.

"According to the school map…" Itachi read the map that was attached to the wall of every hallway. "It's two hallways to the left, and…" He raised an eyebrow.

"_**7**_ hallways down."

Insert mental face-palm. **(A/N: I warned you!! Hahah!)**

"7?!" Konan's eyes looks like they were going to explode from their sockets.

"Alright. Let's get moving then." Pein ordered, continuing to stroll. On their third to last hallway, Hidan stopped mid track.

"I…" He started quietly. Everyone turned their attention to the Jashin worshipper.

"-Need to take s shit." He finished flatly.

Insert Anime fall.

"In this situation-no, you're not." Zetsu replied.

Hidan waved him off, "Too late." he headed off away from the group to take of his shitty business. Literally.

"We can leave him, un." Deidara sneered, hoping Hidan would somehow lock himself in some unknown closet again. The group continued to their destination as our lovely Hidan acted like a smartass.

_Hidan's scavenger hunt_

"Dammit-I don't know where the bathrooms are." he mumbled. The snow-haired male wondered around the school until he found the sign, Restrooms. He howled in victory, "Aha! I'm so smart!" He stood still with a grin on his face to be silently praised by Jashin. He looked at the two doors that had a male sign and a female sign.

He sighed, "Damn, which one is a guy?" he looked at the sign with a circle and an arrow pointing to the upper right direction. "Hmm…" Hidan then examined the circle with a cross sign below, and the arrow at the end of the vertical cross.

"Well that settles it." He replied to himself, after looking and thinking for a few minutes.

He walks through the door with the female sign.

_Detention_

"Alright~ this should be it." Deidara suggested, after turning their last hallway.

"Deidara-the room is down this hallway." Itachi pointed out. The blond-haired just snarled.

"Uchihas…" He opened the door--

During a prostate exam.

And to this day forward, no Deidaras had ever done what Deidara had did, until now.

He screamed like a little girl.

* * *

"Because _I'm _a girl," Konan started, "Doesn't mean you have to scream like one." Others snickered in agreement as Deidara turned away with his arms crossed, red as a tomato.

"I-It's…um-puberty?"

Insert. Face. Palm.

"Bull! You don't even know what a Scrotum is!" Kakuzu argued.

"Like you know either!" The clay freak replied in a mocking tone.

"-It's where you keep food!" Kisame butted in, smiling with his shark white teeth, lined up.

"No!-What? Really?" The oddly colored man nodded in reply.

"So, it's like a refrigerator?" Konan asked herself, "I'm so getting one then!"

"Get me one for my fertilizer." Zetsu added.

**(A/N: Was me that me or did it almost make sense? Except they're both different concepts ahah!) **

"Now _this _should be it." The raven-haired male mumbled, "-and please, don't do that again- you embarrassed yourself enough by miscounting your fingers." He opened the detention door.

It smelled like dead corpses.

It was dark, humid, and dusty.

Everything was literally made out of metal.

Oh, that's the concept of detention rooms alright.

"Sooo-" Sasori started, glancing around the room, "Where's the teacher?" The group entered the known territory, dust, and debris exploded gently beneath their feet, each time they took a step. Suddenly the door closed on them-with no light supple in the room.

"Hello there," a voice crept around the room, echoing through the stale walls.

They all spun around in the darkness, wondering who the hell could live in this.

* * *

"Dammit, where are the basins?! (Urine holes)"

* * *

"Detention on the first day?" Her soft, questioning voice sounded amused, "how unique."

"How long are we in here for?" Tobi asked, petrified at the scene.

"Not long…since it's your first-so it's an easy, half hour."

"Y-you're kind of in the shadows." Konan sweat dropped.

"Because we're in the dark, idiot." Deidara's voice entered.

KICK.

"Awwghh! You have such bad aim, Konan!" He whined, stomping on the ground in pain. She snorted.

"It was supposed to be there."

"Now, now children." her ginger voice came up again, "Let me just find the flashlight.." When she turned it on, she shined it on everyone.

"Sorry, I'm Mrs. Detention. Welcome."

Many couldn't believe their eyes. Her pale, wrinkly, soft, stretchy skin. Her wrinkly smile, her wrinkly…everything.

"You're….old?" Kisame slipped out. Pein bonked him on the head.

"You idiot, that's disrespectful."

"O-old?" Her wrinkle skin and her wrinkly lips frowned. "Are you calling me OLD?!" Her voice boomed. Kisame quickly shrunk into his seat as others followed.

"N-no, ma'am."

"MA'AM?" Her voice exploded again, "I'm a perfectly 24 year old lady!"

"WHAT!?!?" Everyone burst out, jumping from their seat. They quickly sat down again, not wanted to be pummeled down like Kisame who was close to.

"Is there something wrong with me being 24?" She asked, her voice changing from an elderly, soft, to boisterous and some 7 year old whining for some damn pixie sticks.

"No…" They echoed.

Sweat drop.

"Good…I shall add another half hour since it was so disrespectful." She went up to the board with her flashlight, screeching on the board, causing everyone to wince, "Welcome to Detention, boys and girls."

"Hah! She said guys first, Konan!"

"Don't push it Deidara." The blue-haired female seethed in the dark.

"I expect absolutely no tardiness starting TODAY. Good thing all of you guys made it on time." Everyone gulped, thinking the same thing.

_Hidan's screwed._

* * *

I didn't know they didn't have basins…" Hidan grumbled after he walked out of the door, rubbing his stomach, "Oh well." He walked down luckily on the same hallway, and right all the way down where he saw some over-terrified guy in a corner in a white blanket, shivering…and nude. Hidan stopped and gave him a thumbs up.

"Good worshipping nude for Jashin! Keep it up!" he flashed a smile and continued strolling to a dark room. "Hmm?" He walked in out of all curiosity.

"-Good thing all of you guys made it on time." Mrs. Detention finished, and just as she did…

The door creep open, revealing a Hidan.

"Why the fuck is this room so fucking dark? And--What the shit!? Metal?"

"Why are you late?" Mrs. Detention seethed, shining the flashlight on him.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"…"

Everyone mentally gave themselves a face palm, and waited for the yelling to begin.

"DID YOU JUST CUSS?!"

"WHAT IF I FUCKING DID!?"

Face palm face palm face palm.

* * *

**A/N Sorry again! Aha. Good thing I got off my butt. But that's part 1 for now! Of Mrs. Detention!**

**God I feel like a dumbass for not updating. Well--At least it's here!**

**Until next chapter hopefully! **

**Hehehehe...Deidara walking in on a prostate exam and Hidan walking in after.**

**~3/2/10~**


	13. Small Part II AND IM NOT DEAD AN

**I don't own it! :[**

**Nope, I don't. Nope. **

**…******

**I do not own Naruto.**

**Nope.**

**Thanks for the reviews! :]**

_

* * *

_

Of course, out of all people it had to be Hidan to be yelled at.

Huh, like it was planned or something.

"I can tell you, cussing shall not-" she pounded on her desk, "-be tolerated." Mrs. Detention flashed the light on her. "Do you understand?"

Hidan wrinkled his nose in disgust, "Shouldn't you old people be in a nursing home or something?"

"I'm 24, thank you very much." She exclaimed calmly, but everyone saw the hidden words.

_You little dip-shit._

"You're...never mind."

"How old are you, little man?" She seethed.

"I'm immortal. I lost count." Hidan plainly replied. Everyone head-desk at their seat.

Either way Hidan was sent to his seat for another three detentions in the end.

Lesson learned: Never argue with a teacher who is paranoid about her looks and age.

You shall never win.

**(A/N: True. Fact.)**

* * *

Mrs. Detention was at her desk with the only light supply they can offer shining on her desk as she checked papers. She heard whispering and shone the light at Kisame.

"What are you doing, young man?" She snapped. Kisame turned with his face looking like a deer that was about to be hit by a car and looked back at the ground.

"Nothing."

"Liar." Her voice crackled, "Do you want another detention like your little friend there?"

"Who're you calling little fr-" A small kicking sound was heard in the darkness.

"Shut the hell up, Hidan." Kakuzu growled quietly so he won't be detected.

"Shit…that fucking hurt." Hidan whined in the same volume as his prey. Minutes passed by slowly. Tobi was fidgeting like crap when it comes to darkness, and then, finally.

"May Tobi go to the restroom?" Mrs. Detention looked up from her newspaper with bold eyes. Tobi's masked stayed unchanged as the two stared each other down. Others waited in anticipation.

"Yes, you may." Tobi got up and walked out the door without a sound.

Mental Light bulbs began flashing.

"May I go to the bathroom?" Konan asked, raising her hand.

"I suppose so," Mrs. Detention replied without looking, "Make it fast." A chair shuffled as feet walked out of the room. Soon one after another they asked to go to the bathroom, and fortunately, Mrs. Detention had let them go.

Ironic, no? I'll let you take it off from here, where they **_escaped_.**

To the **bathrooms** of course, where else?

* * *

_AUTHORS NOTE:_

_Baaaaabammm._

_Yes, I've been delaying this story for quite awhile. Sorry that this chapter is short. Way short. But I made it short on purpose because it was a sign that I'm still alive, no I wasn't captured and molested in some fruity way. (Where the hell did that come from?)_

_So I am trying my best to get my writing mood back. As you can see, my author note is probably a few weeks typed after the first page was written back in March. My writing attitude changed slightly, if you could tell._

_If you couldn't, then phew, I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing. Lol XD_

_But Yush, Akane has returned (From a very lazy month) …Temporary._

_But I am NOT giving up this story. I have a phew ideas in mind…Even sequels! _

_Sequels? Did I say that?_

_…_

_Bah. Forget about that. I gotta finish what I start, and that's what I hope for in the future!_

_Remember, I'm still alive Dammit! XD_

_(Unless you want me dead or something, then I'd be a little concerned.)_

_Until next time, my luffles~_

_4/8/10_

_Akane _


	14. Hoshit

**Oh wha? I'm still here? Well I'm surprised.**

**I am not much of a Naruto fan anymore, ever since the series went downhill. (Since forever.)**

**So I will push those thoughts aside and just continue on with my life writing and finishing this piece of shit. And then finally get this thing over with.**

**No this is not the final chapter.**** I wish though, ever since re-reading it I would seriously rewrote everything, but since my lazy ass is being, ya know; Lazy, I am not going to rewrite all 12 chapters.**

**I, ImitationCrimson do not own Naruto and Akatsuki in ANY way. Also skip this part if you don't want to hear me ramble.**

**There are reasons why I haven't been writing; yes I've been drawing on iScribble, A LOT. So I have been role playing. So If you spy anything role-playable, then it's probably from my iScribble instincts. I don't know about you guys, but I'm trying to make the best out of my summer instead of being on the computer all fucking day. (Even though it's failing)**

**I am done. Onto the bathrooms.**

* * *

Diluted.

Unsanitary.

Cramped.

Smelly…

"-And no fucking urine holes!" Came our Jashin lover. Others hushed him to quiet down. A one stall bathroom makes such a great place to hide all 10 of them.

"We need to find somewhat of a plan to get out of this detention." Pein, the leader cramped nearest to the toilet seat, "And quickly, this person forgot to wipe." His face paled.

"Chill guys, there's a bunch of options we can choose to get out of this alive.." Konan brightly pointed out.

Insert awkward stares.

The blue female let out a sigh. "Okay, maybe not." She looked at the guys; Zetsu was obviously on the top nearest to the light bulb, followed by Kisame, then Sasori trying to dodge Deidara's deadly hands which were pressed against Itachi's forehead to keep balance who was on Tobi who was leaning against Pein whose butt was in front of Konan.

Quite a view if you ask her.

"Let's just go back to our rooms and pretend we already served our detention." Itachi suggested grouchily, "And Deidara get your fucking hands off my face."

* * *

"Fuck." Came a few voices.

"It's locked." Deidara said hopelessly. The rest of Akatsuki stood in the hallway, looking at the failing Deidara trying to open the locked door that led to Room B's dorm.

The Intercom came on.

"I see all members have ditched detention." None other than Kabuto's voice came on, "Everything you left in the detention room has been confiscated and ripped into pieces. And for consequences I have locked one of the rooms, so now all of you must share one tiny room that includes little personal space and such. Did I mention there was only one bathroom? All of you must figure that out on how to use your time wisely."

Insert cursing from Hidan.

"I hope you learn your lesson from this, Akatsuki." The intercom shut off.

…

"HOLY SHIT!" Kisame burst out, creating attention to him, "I left my Itachi plush in there!" He said somberly, and added a small sniffle. Deidara muffled his laughter at realization at Kisame.

"Wow—Haha—That sucks—Ha—Well—" His collar was grabbed by Sasori, his other hand balled into a fist.

"My _puppets _were in my damn backpack we left in there! And you're laughing at us for leaving our stuff in there?" Deidara shook Sasori's fist off, and stumbled back.

"A-ay Sasori No Danna…" Deidara started off. Sasori got closer as if he was trying to glare him down, his forehead touched Deidara's.

"Don't you try that _'Oh-Sasori-No-Danna _me_,' _You know all those things were either burned or destroyed." He seethed, then smirked. "All your clay has been thrown away then."

Another girly scream went through the hallways.

* * *

**Ahh, another sign That I am alive.**

**-waves-**

**I'm not going to bother you with the long details, just check back to this story once in awhile.**

**~Akane 6/20/10**


	15. TO TEH MALL

****

Its 3 freaking AM in the morning, I got my insomnia, and I am bored.

**This leaves me with no choice, but to update. **

**Akane doesn't own Naruto or Akatsuki, who rightfully belongs to Kishimoto. **

* * *

_It had been about a few weeks ever since Akatsuki had ditched detention, and had all their belongings in their backpack confiscated, and thrown away, leaving Akatsuki with no supplies for work. But happily, another school week has ended as Akatsuki take in a time to regain their cool posture and sexy attitude of We're-so-badass. _

"Dammit, Konan!" Zetsu yelled across the room, "How many fucking times did I tell you about not using the fertilizer?" He trotted to the blue-haired woman as she turned around.

"H-Hey, I actually learned this time not to use your cow shit. It's not me." She took a glance at the ripped open bag in the corner, "I wouldn't use half of the bag anyways!"

"Hey, how's that Scrotum working out for you anyways?" Pein asked randomly. He was staring at himself in a mirror, adjusting his piercings. Konan brightly smiled,

"It's a pretty big Scrotum to fit all those food we need for everyone." And took a glance at the giant black Scrotu—I mean refrigerator.

**(Author: *Head desk* OTL)**

"I say we go outside and get all of us something," Deidara mumbled, combing his bangs with one of his hands, "Like, new clothing or whatnot. We can't stay in these uniforms together, or our cloaks."

Kakuzu's green eyes shot up at the suggestion. "You're not using my money." He growled behind his mask.

"Aww, come on. Just a bit, I mean, you got three shitloads of cash right there!" Deidara exclaimed. Pein looked over, figuring he would probably need some new clothing too.

"Kakuzu." He commanded in his deep voice. The masked villain sighed angrily and thrust a bag to them. Deidara opened the bag and gave out a small howl,

"Sweet! We get-"

"A quarter of the bag."

"-The whole bag—Wait, just a _quarter_ of it?" Deidara's voice suddenly screeched at Kakuzu's interruption. He nodded in response. "B-But Kakuzu! We're going to need a lot of cash if we're buying everyone clothing!"

"Kakuzu…" Pein echoed dangerously again. Kakuzu just gave another angry sigh.

* * *

"Alright," Pein started out, "Konan, Deidara, Itachi, and Hidan. The whole bag of money is in your hands. And I trust you—" He gave a glance at only Itachi and Konan. "—To get something for each and every member of this organization." The rest gave a nod, and exited out of the school building.

"Wait…" Deidara started, as others glanced at him, "Where are we going to find a store to buy stuff?"

…

"Deidara." Itachi inputted. "Look for a store called the mall." Deidara received a bonk on the head by Konan. Hidan was cringing at the sunlight.

"Sunburn sunburn sunburn!" He freakishly whispered to himself, and at the rays shining on his flawless pale skin. (Oh god, no. Not a vampire. Think that, and I WILL. Shoot you.)

* * *

At the mall…

"God! This top is so cute!" Konan squealed to herself, followed by three sweat dropping males. "Oh! You guys can run along, I will have to look for a bigger Scrotum for us while you guys are searching for new clothing." The three continued standing there. Konan turned around with a huff, slowly pushed them out of a female clothing store.

"C'mon! Shoo! A lady has to do her window shopping you know!" The three then turned around, walking off slowly.

"Tch… girls…" Deidara muttered mockingly. "Let's go check out that store." The three Akatsuki members walked into a store that included two floors and an elevator.

Ohhh, joy

* * *

**OTL.**

**I swear. I lost my interest in this. Especially in the anime.**

**WELL. I just found this laying around on mycomputer from.. TWO MONTHS AGO.**

Isnt that just lovely?

I have all the ideas written on a post it note. Sooo. Err. I'll get to it..eventually.

~ Akane, 8/18/10

Ah. yes. School starting soon.

on the 25th, to be honest.

DOUBLE OTL.


End file.
